


Fated To Be

by Florafawn



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not very good at this lol, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance Referanced with Established Characters;Kanan and Hera obviously, Suggestions welcome, Unsure about adding Future Romances; We'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2020-07-23 05:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florafawn/pseuds/Florafawn
Summary: After the events on Malachor, Ezra and Maul formed a bond, unknown to the other members of the Ghost crew. Especially Kanan. Yet Ezra hesitates to tell them. He even feels like something more than guilt is keeping him from doing so. What will happen between the two? Will Ezra find hope in this situation, or despair? (Mass update coming!)





	1. A Different Fate

I felt helpless.  
  
I was unprepared for the strange bond that had formed between Maul and I and even more at a loss as what to do with it.  
I often wondered how it came to be. We didn't know each other that well and our time together on Malachor was short-lived.  
  
Yet, despite all that, here he was, always popping into my mind.  
  
Offering ''advice'' during a mission? Distractingly so. While I was eating? Of course.  
Sleeping? Yep, still there... okay, there was no such thing as sleep with him dropping by whenever he pleased. Suffice to say, I was on edge from the lack of sleep and constantly anxious.  
  
Naturally my foul mood and strange behavior didn't escape the Ghost crew. I would often snap at Zeb during the ships' night shift for his snoring that kept me up during the few hours of reprieve I had from Maul. And during the day, Chopper and Sabine would sometimes walk by and catch me "talking to myself" in the most awkward of places. It made me look crazy. But I wasn't sure I could stop myself from responding to him, even though I knew I shouldn't.  
And this, of course, Maul found amusing.  
  
So I settled on avoiding them most of the time. Such a situation was happening now. I stood in the hallway outside of the common room, staring at the crack of yellow light peeking through the door into the dark and listening to their easy laughter.  
  
I was tempted to tell them of my predicament, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Whenever I would think about saying something, to seek help from Kanan, fear would rise. Like a foreboding pressure at first, but then like a tide it would swell, becoming more until I was choking on despair as the mere thought sent me to my room to wait out what I had later learned to be a panic attack.  
  
I couldn't tell Kanan. I couldn't.  
  
I looked away from the door in self-loathing, unable to move forward and join them for supper as a part of me rose with whispered denial.  
  
What would he say if he knew that I had been talking to the man who had blinded him? Bonded, even?  
  
Just the thought of him looking down in anger and disappointment made my chest quiver. The thought of rejection too much to bear.  
  
Not that he could actually _see_ me anymore.  
  
Maul had made sure of that.  
  
Yet I couldn't blame it all on Maul. He may have physically done it, but I was the one who brought the situation upon Kanan. And Ahsoka. Her death was my fault, just as surely as Kanan's loss of vision.  
  
Secretly, I had admired her. The strength she had shown time and time again had been something I had striven for, even during my lessons with my own Master. She was someone to look up to. Someone _I_ looked up to.  
  
Honestly, I wished I had more time with her. Everything happened too fast. One moment we were meeting her for the first time, and then the next thing I can remember is the look she had carried when the temple had closed between us, leaving her to fight Vader alone.  
  
The _pain_ that had coursed through my chest that day at the realization that she wouldn't be coming back with us had almost left me frozen in front of the temple. Kanan's voice calling out to me was the only reason I had found the strength to move at all.  
  
_I just couldn't leave when they had wanted to, I just had to rebel..._ I closed my eyes as my breath caught.  
  
No… It wasn't all on Maul.  
  
Lost in memories I didn't notice faint voices getting closer until the door of the common room slid open, making me wince in guilt as I looked up. I expected Hera to be coming out to get me with the same look of disapproval that she had taken to giving me lately, so I simply stood there until a familiar form stepped forward. Yet it was distinctly not Hera's. I instantly tensed.  
  
Kanan was stepping out, a soft but noticeably strained smile on his face as he turned back minutely within the shadowed frame and waved with a chuckle at something Sabine had said. Seemingly happy.  
  
But I knew better.  
  
_He couldn't be._  
  
A part of me hoped he would look down the hall and notice me hidden in the shadows, call to me softly in worry like he used to and force all these thoughts and worries from my mind.  
  
But he didn't.  
  
He didn't notice my presence farther down the hall.  
  
He rarely did anymore.  
  
I clutched my chest, eyes shadowing as the familiar pain echoed through my heart.  
  
I couldn't say anything, couldn't move as Hera stepped up behind Kanan and offered to help him to his room, just to be refused with a kind smile.  
  
Hera simply frowned and watched him go, his hand following the wall as he went in the other direction, saving me from having to rush back to my room to avoid him.  
  
I couldn't talk to Kanan right now. I just... couldn't.  
  
Darkness and cold tickled the back of my mind as I watched Kanan make his way slowly down the hall, the door shutting behind Hera again as numbness enveloped me and a familiar chuckle echoed in my mind.  
  
The sound of that chuckle snapped me back from my inner thoughts of despair in an instant, forcing my attention away from Kanan's disappearing form. I whirled on the dark hall behind me and glared as if the man himself would manifest from the shadows.  
  
And a part of me wished he would.  
  
_How dare he be amused by my master's situation?! This was_ his _fault!_  
  
My anger surged. Images of destroying Maul playing on a loop within my mind.  
  
I really hoped he could see it.  
  
"What are you laughing at?" I ask, my voice coming out with a deadly calm that I got used to using when talking with Maul. "You did this to him."  
  
An image of him grinning flashed before my eyes. "Oh yes, I haven't forgotten."  
  
I growled as I turned and headed towards the Phantom, not wanting Sabine or one of the others to find me talking to myself yet again. To see me like this.  
  
Honestly, I was spending a lot of time in the Phantom lately. Of course the others had noticed and commented, but they could only guess as to why. Though in the end, I felt it couldn't be that hard to figure out.  
It was quiet there. I felt like it was an isolated world where no one would disturb me during my "episodes", especially since the others didn't go there as often as I did.  
  
_But then again, would they even want too?_  
  
I ignored the last part as Maul spoke.  
  
"Why do you feel so guilty, Apprentice?"  
  
My jaw clenched as I approached the ladder. He knew why. And yet he always asked.  
Just like he always called me Apprentice, one way or another.  
He knew how much it angered me, how much I _hated_ it, yet he still said it.  
I gave up trying to correct him all the time, but that didn't mean it angered me any less.  
  
"You know why," I muttered, unable to stop myself from responding to his obvious bait as I grabbed the ladder and started climbing, pulling myself up into the Phantom just as Maul's amused scoff came across the bond.  
  
"Oh? Do I? You must be mistaken. I simply do not understand the thoughts of a _Jedi_."  
  
I froze, standing before the Phantoms cockpit as my fists clenched at my sides. That amusement was too much right now.  
  
All he ever did was look down on my master and his teachings whenever he got the chance, trying to get me to respond in a way Kanan wouldn't approve of. And a part of me couldn't help but think he had finally succeeded.  
  
I just... couldn't ignore him this time.  
  
I glared at the stars beyond the port as if he was standing there, my anger projecting across the bond in a wave of heat.  
  
"This is all your fault!" I shouted in response, not caring who heard anymore. "Kanan, his eyes-"  
  
Tears distorted my vision, but I refused to let them slip out. "It's your fault! I'll never forgive you, Maul! I'll- I'll kill you myself! You-"  
  
I lowered my head as the remaining words I wanted to shout stuck in my throat, the feeling of choking guilt and anger swarmed within me hungrily, wanting to consume me with whispers of power.  
  
But even now Kanan's words echoed, reminding me that I had to stay in control.  
  
That I had to... control my emotions.  
  
The feeling of hesitation overcame me.  
  
...Didn't I?  
  
"Ah, yes, I _do_ know what you're feeling." A dark sensation rolled through my mind as Maul shifted like a coiled serpent within our bond. "It's the feelings of the Dark Side, after all."  
  
His smooth, honeyed words and dark chuckle seemed to echo within the room as my head snapped up, eyes wide and voice filled with desperation as I shouted again in denial.  
  
" _No!_ You're wrong, I... I'm not-"  
  
My shout died into a whimper as dark tendrils began twisting across the edges of my vision.  
  
_No! What was... It couldn't be! It was a lie!_  
  
I stumbled backwards as the feeling of wrongness shivered through me, a cold feeling beginning to numb my body.  
  
It was Maul. I could feel it. He was doing something to me.  
  
" _Maul_! What are you-"  
  
His mind suddenly shifted into mine with an unnatural ease, the resistance I once had seeming to fade alongside my vision as I gasped. It felt like we were becoming one, and that scared me more than anything.  
  
Like an inky darkness upon my fading light, his mind was swallowing me whole.  
  
I desperately fought for breath against the sudden cold, my breath visible in the air.  
  
_What was he doing?!_  
  
This had never happened before.  
  
_He'd never been able to come so far into my mind!_  
  
Something bad was happening, and whatever it was, I didn't want it to succeed.  
  
"Ka-Kanan!"  
  
I shouted with desperate fear, my voice echoing through the Phantom as I pulled on our bond as well, hoping he would feel it.  
  
It would be the first time since Malachor.  
  
And I hoped it wouldn't be the last.  
  
As I felt my Master respond with surprise and worry through our bond, I felt relieved before my vision went completely black, the sensation of a hand covering my eyes making me stiffen as an all too familiar voice suddenly spoke into my ear, no longer in my mind.  
  
"Sleep, Apprentice."  
  
A chuckle, not my own, echoed through the Phantom, the voice continuing smoothly, "It's time for you to come home, my boy."  
  
I tried to shout again, but nothing came out of my mouth. Against my wishes, my body went slack, and my mind started to fade to a different kind of darkness. The last thing I was aware of was my body leaning back into Maul's, and the thought-  
  
_Oh, he's really here... I have to warn Kanan... everybody..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will switch to different peoples perspectives for some chapters. Not all are from Ezra's POV because I feel it'll help build the story and its emotions by seeing how others are handling things.   
> I hope you don't mind, and give it a chance as you go. :)

**(Kanan's POV)**

* * *

"Ezra!"

I sat up quickly in the bed as the spike of fear and despair traveling through the bond from Ezra woke me. A cold sweat starting to form along my brow as I shivered from the sudden cold sensation that traveled through my body alongside it.

Confusion drifted through the haze of my mind as I frowned. I didn't understand what had caused Ezra such distress though our bond, but I felt with sudden certainty that whatever had caused it was still happening.

The fear was raw. Fresh.

Something was happening to him.

Right. _**Now**_.

Another spike of fear through the bond had me tensing, the overwhelming urge to move pushing aside my remaining confusion in an instant.  
I was throwing back my covers and out of the bed without a second thought, stumbling and hitting the wall before remembering to feel my way with my hands.

My motions were rushed as I reached the door and hit the sensor to open it, the urgency becoming almost unbearable.

_If something happened to him, I wouldn't forgive-_ I started desperately, just to draw up short.

I didn't even sense Hera walking by my door before I rushed out until it was too late. Hera let out a cry in surprise when I drew up short and stumbled into her, but she caught us and managed to regain her balance, keeping us from falling with a bewildered look.

"Ka-Kanan?! Darling? Are you oka-"

I yanked back as if she had stung me. Falling back into the doorframe with a grunt before turning and starting down the hall.

There wasn't **time**.

I could feel her reach for me but I just brushed by her hand, surprising her even more as I rushed past, hand constantly along the wall this time for orientation and balance.

"Kanan! what are you-?"

"It's Ezra!" I huffed through clenched teeth as another wave of fear hit, this time noticeably more faint. Just like his presence. "Hera, something's wrong! Where is he?!"

I could feel her confusion as she froze in surprise for a moment, but her energy in the Force quickly laced with determination, her motherly side coming out at the mention of Ezra's name being spoken with distress. She rushed to catch up with me as she spoke.

"I saw him go to the phantom a while back. Why, what's going on?"

Relief flashed through me in an instant as I knew we were already close, and within moments we were at the hatch that lead up into the waiting Phantom. But as I reached for the ladder my connection with Ezra suddenly shrouded with darkness, giving nothing away.

I hesitated, frozen in shock.

"I-... I don't know…" I finally answer Hera, swallowing thickly. "Hera... I can't sense him anymore."

Her eyes widened. "Wha- Wait!"

Smothered in the sense of wrong coming through the Force I ignored her and rushed up the ladder, opening the hatch to the phantom in fear. Not caring what could've been waiting for me on the other side.

Something was wrong. Ezra needed me.

Quickly pulling myself up I turned and helped Hera up as well, desperate for her to see where Ezra was for me now that I could no longer feel him myself through the Force.

I cursed Maul silently for taking my vision as I turned my head in every direction anyway out of habit.

"Do you see him? Where is he?"

Tense I waited for Hera to speak, to let me know, as I focused on her feelings through the Force for a clue as to what she was seeing beyond what I could sense.

"I-..." Her worry shifted to confusion in the Force, then panic. "H-He's not here... Kanan, he isn't here!"

She grabbed the side of my arm in some form of reassurance, clearly panicking as well now.  
I frowned as I reached out with my senses and tried to feel something- Anything - from my padawan.

_No, it couldn't be..._

Ezra was right here, he couldn't have just disappeared. They were still in space, the phantom was still here also, so where...?!

I stilled as a feeling of darkness and cold brushed by me in the Force.

No...

It was familiar...

_No!_

Feeling despair build within my heart I voiced quietly what I felt for Hera, clutching her close as I did so.  
I knew that Force signature all too well.

"Maul... Maul was here."

My jaw clenched in determination as Hera let out a sound of surprise and worry.

"Maul was-? But how?" She asked, voicing what I myself desperately wanted to know.

But I couldn't answer her. I didn't know what to say.

I didn't know how Maul got here, but it didn't matter. Right now, all that mattered was getting Ezra back.

And I would get him back.

I wouldn't give up until I did.

* * *

Heading back to the common room I waved off Hera's attempt to help me walk as I felt my way along the wall, her following slightly behind with worry. I could feel her guilt and sadness through the Force over what I had told her, and it played in tandum with my own feelings.

But I blocked it out as best as I could.

I had to tell the others of what Hera and I had discovered. About Ezra missing.  
But, what would I say? That I, his own Master, couldn't feel when he was in danger until he had called out to me?

No- that I had refused to feel when he had needed me most, until it was too late?

_That I blocked him out after Malachor, just as much as he did me?_

Guilt almost doubled me over, but I stayed standing, heading to the booth and hanging my head as I sat down heavily.

I didn't even bother to look up as I waved in the general direction of the door. "Go get the crew, Hera. I'll be fine."

My voice was tired, drained and heavy with guilt that I was barely holding in. But that didn't matter right now. Only Ezra did.

And I already knew what I had to do.  
The crew would be my eyes, and I would lead them to Ezra. We would get him back.

....We had too.

_I_ had too.

My hands clasped tightly together in front of me as I felt Hera hesitate. I could tell she didn't want to leave me here alone. Not after what just happened.  
A slight brush of anger rushed across my mind at her hesitance, but I pushed it into the Force.

I appreciated her concern, I did, but Ezra was more important right now.

Besides… I knew it wasn't her I was truly angry at.

It was myself.

"Please, Hera," I say quietly. "I need your help. I- I can't-" I reach for my eyes, fingers touching fabric where skin would once be. "...not anymore..."

I felt a sharp pain from her as she gently touched my shoulder. Something that strangely felt like a tear landing on my up-reached hand.

"Of course hon, I'm here for you." She squeezes my shoulder before letting go reluctantly. "We all are."

With that she left, the door whooshing shut behind her as I lowered my head to my hands.

My mind was tossing in turmoil as I waited, so I desperately reached for Ezra through our bond once more. Hoping to finally feel something.   
Yet once more, I felt nothing.

Like our bond never existed in the first place.

Taking a shaky breath I carefully blanked my mind, struggling to send all my emotions into the Force.

I had to stay calm. My emotions were clouding my judgement.

And I couldn't have that, not now, not when he- when Ezra-

No, it would be okay.  
They would get Ezra back.  
They had to.

And Maul would pay for taking Ezra from them.

No...

He would pay for taking Ezra from _him_.

Feeling determined now more than ever, I looked up as the door whooshed open and several lifeforms entered the room, brightly glowing within my mind.

They were here.

Good.

We could finally begin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra wakes. But not to what he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My style seems to... change, a lot. Sorry if it feels that way between chapters. I try to stay consistent but its hard to do when I'm pulling myself out of writers block. Which happens frequently, so my editing skills suck epically during those times. Again, I apologize. ^.^'

**(Ezra's POV)**

* * *

Waking up was usually pleasant for me.  
But not this time.

I groaned from the pounding cold lancing through my mind as I rolled to my side, grabbing the sides of my head from the pain. My eyes squinting shut tightly from the pressuring cold.

I felt confused, to say the least.  
My mind felt fuzzy, like I was waking from a long and absolute dream.  
_Strange..._ I thought faintly. _I don't remember going to sleep..._

Yet, as peculiar as that was, I noticed something just as strange beckoning me within my mind.

A familiar voice was calling to me, I could feel it just out of reach as I struggled to make sense of it, stirring my consciousness even more.  
Who was that...?

_It had to be Kanan..._ I thought as I began to fully wake.

Yet a part of me felt doubtful.  
That voice sounded familiar, but... it felt wrong.

Though trying to find an answer to that would have to wait.  
My memories suddenly rushed back to me, making me tense as my eyes flashed open to an unfamiliar room in alarm.

_Karabast-!_ I thought as panic set in. _Maul was on the Ghost! I had to warn the others!_

I sat up fast, worried for everyone's safety. My vision immediately began to swim before me and pain nearly doubled me over as I cried out, grabbing my head and closing my eyes again in a hurry.  
It took a minute for the pain to fade to manageable levels, but it gave me a moment to collect myself.  
Bloody Force! What the heck did Maul do to me?  
I felt... strange.  
Something was definitely wrong.

Clenching my eyes even tighter together I struggled to stretch out with the Force, hoping to feel the familiar bond from Kanan as I subconsciously reached for him, but instead of the familiar calm I felt nothing but a static feeling in the Force around me.

My brow bunched in concentration.  
No... It felt almost...  
Blocked.  
Someone was blocking me from the Force?  
How...?  
Who would even want to-?

Maul.  
I couldn't help but mentally growl at that realization.  
Maul was doing this.  
I didn't know how, but he was definitely the one blocking me.

''That shik of a hutt!'' I cursed in anger. Knowing Kanan would've been upset if he ever heard me say those words.  
But Kanan wasn't here, so I made an exception.

_Seriously, how was he blocking me from the Force?!_ I thought in frustration. _And where the heck was I anyway?!_

Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself I opened my eyes and focused myself back to the room around me.

I knew it obviously wasn't the Phantom, even though that was the last place I remembered being, and this place definitely wasn't the ghost either.

The large room had built in shelves along both of the side walls and a workstation in the middle of the right one. Surprisingly all of the shelves were lined with strange nick-nacks already, and the room even had what looked like a connecting bathroom as well.  
Which left me at the rooms center, on a full sized bed with an empty desk next to it.

Hope for my friends immediately wilted.  
I knew with cold certainty that I was no longer with my motely crew turned family members.  
Or even one of the medical ships within the fleet.

I was with Maul.  
Wherever that was exactly though, I had no clue.

_Suppose I could try finding out with the Force, my head wasn't hurting as badly now..._ I thought as I lowered my hands from my head, no longer feeling the need to keep it from ripping in half.

Yeah, it felt way better now, actually.  
Focusing on the feeling of the wisps of Force energy traveling past my mind I stretched out and called to them, yet I was struggling just as much to pull them to me as before.

Finally after a few moments of frustration I managed to connect, but it wasn't at all what I was expecting.

All I could feel from the fuzzy Force around me was that this was a very large ship, and Maul was definitely on it with me.  
In fact, I could sense his presence quite clearly.  
His Force energy was way more defined than anything else on the ship, and very familiar too.

_Not that that explained where I was..._ I thought bitterly with a sigh, looking around the lighted room for possible escape routes instead.

_The sooner I got off this ship and back to everyone on the Ghost, the better._ I thought to myself with determination. Ignoring the flutter of pain from the thought of seeing Kanan again, knowing this wasn't the time to get distracted.

The room was definitely nice and all, but why was I even in here?  
I certainly didn't want to think it was Maul's room that I had been deposited in, but it looked like it was meant for an actual crew member, not a prisoner.

So why...?  
  
I mean... I was a prisoner, right...?

Shaking my head at that I scooted off the bed and stood up.  
_Of course you are, idiot. He kidnapped you, remember?_ I thought to myself with a frown.

Then... why was I getting the feeling that I wasn't...?

_No,_ I thought firmly to myself as I began heading to the door, ending any doubt in an instant. _He was just trying to trick me, like he always did. I needed to focus on escaping from this room before he came back._

Which meant if by some dumb luck he didn't lock the door, I needed to check.

A part of me was curious though... How did Maul even manage to get me off the Ghost in the first place?  
How did he even get on?  
As much as I was reluctant to, I felt the strong urge to ask.  
If he had some strange ability within the Force, then...  
I really wanted to know of it.

_Maybe I could even learn it, and show Kanan how as well-_

I stopped that line of thought stubbornly as I got to the door. _Yeah, like Maul would show me how he did it, much less let me escape and teach it to Kanan..._ I scoffed at myself. _Yeah, funny Ezra, funny._

Karabast, why was I getting so distracted with "what if's" anyway?

This was Maul I was dealing with, so I needed to focus. If I let my guard down he'd definitely take advantage of it.  
Escape now, I reminded myself. Relax later.

Focused on the task at hand, I reached for the door sensor, ready to try and open it when a strange sensation traveled down my spine making me shiver.  
I instinctively lowered my raised hand as my eyes darted around the room, feeling strongly that something was wrong.

I see nothing in the room though, nor sense anything on the other side of the door, which just makes me frown in worry.  
_Maybe it was the Force trying to warn me about Maul...?_ I had no idea. But I had to try. This whole situation was a big unknown. Hesitantly I reached for him through our bond, stopping near the edge of his mind in order to avoid alerting him as I tried to feel if he was nearby.

Well... from the feel of it, Maul still hadn't moved from where I had originally sensed him.  
But I couldn't feel any emotions from him either, even amusement, which was even weirder.

Could Maul be sleeping...?

The thought was incredulous to me, but it also gave me hope.  
Honestly, that would be the best luck ever if it was true, I could find a way to escape from this ship with no problems then.  
  
Biting my lip nervously my mind raced with ideas, trying to find the best course of action I should take with this possible development.

_Hmm... maybe if I could just..._

A little unsure I closed my eyes tightly as my brow knitted in concentration, reaching further towards his mind, hoping to see what he was doing.

I've never willing reached for Maul before, he was always reaching for me, so I was feeling extremely nervous as sweat began to form on my brow.  
But I just needed to see if he was asleep, right? Confirm it. So not too deep in, only a little...

I felt my mind stretch out slower than I ever thought possible, just barely brushing through his Force energy.  
Almost...  
Just a little more...

''Having fun are we?'' Maul's amused voice suddenly echoes through our bond.

My eyes flew open as I took a step back away from the door instinctively, Maul chuckling through our bond at my shock the entire time.

_Wait, did he just-?!_

My minds shock shifted to anger.

He seriously just baited me! He was awake the entire frickin' time!  
And I just reached towards his mind, something I've never done before, willingly, because of him!

My skin seemed to tingle in heat as the familiar sensations between us made themselves known.  
I was furious.

My eyes narrowed as his amusement flooded into my mind. He was clearly able to sense my jumbled emotions and he seemed quite happy with himself for causing such turmoil within me.  
At that moment all I wanted to do was make him pay.  
For tricking me, for Kanan's eyes... I wasn't picky on the reason, either would've done at this point.

I felt shame with every heartbeat.  
Worry for everyone back at the Ghost.  
Disgust at myself for falling so easily for Maul's tricks once again.

But stronger than all of them was my anger.

And I honestly didn't mind the feeling.  
It cleared my mind.  
Brought me focus.

Where I normally would have reacted rashly and emotionally, I was able to center everything into that one emotion, and felt calmer for it as it seared across my mind.

"Maul..." I growl out, clearly not amused as he was. "Care to explain why you kidnapped me?"

He ' _tsk_ 'd at the clear anger I held for him.

''My dear boy, I simply saved you from a terrible situation.'' I could see him smirking in my mind. ''Honestly, you should be thanking me for rescuing you. I even spared your little friends in the process.''

A bit of relief went through me at the last part, but I quickly suppressed it so Maul wouldn't sense it as I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes, knowing he'd sense what I was physically doing through our bond.

"You call _that_ a rescue?" I say, my sarcastic side coming out in tandem with my anger.

Seriously, kidnapping was all it was.  
No rescue about it.

'Why of course, my Apprentice.'' His voice echoed smoothly in my mind. ''Being there was keeping you filled with guilt and sorrow, I just wanted to save you from it.''

My anger swelled at his words. Sounding all to sweet to me. False.

Did he seriously think I'd fall for his lies again?! This was all his fault! Everything was!

I couldn't hold it back any longer.

"That wasn't your choice to make! You had no right, Maul!" I yelled angrily, arms falling to my sides as my fists clenched.

I could feel my skin prickle and seem to shift with the Force underneath it at my rage, though I was unaware that I had even called for it, much less to it responding so strongly after resisting me so much before.

Maul simply frowned through our bond, his own amusement finally fading for a moment of seriousness.

''Oh?'' His voice was quiet as I felt his mind stretch across mine even further, cutting like a knife and making me focus intently on his next words.

''Then you deny your feelings? The very feelings I felt in you daily, even through such a vast distance that separated us?'' My eyes widened at his words.

''Do you deny yourself?'' The last part felt like it was whispered in my ear menacingly, making me tense.

Yet I was unable to turn around.  
To see if he was there myself.

I lowered my head as my anger rapidly drained away from me at his words, leaving me exhausted as I closed my eyes.  
I couldn't speak. I couldn't deny what he said.  
Because he was right.  
So right, that it hurt to hear it, to know that someone I thought my enemy, knew it just as well.

And he even knew why I didn't respond.  
I could feel it.

If... If I could just...

_Kanan..._ I thought quietly, desperately reaching for a bond I could feel was no longer there. _What do I do...?_  
My face twisted in pain as the familiar sensation traveled through my chest.  
_Where are you...?!_ I shout desperately into the void where our bond once was, desperate for answers.

But it was no use.

I knew he wouldn't hear.  
He wouldn't respond.  
But that didn't stop me from trying to feel for him.

For once, after everything on Malachor, I wanted to hear his voice in our bond.  
To hear him talk to me.  
To guide me, if only this once.

But... even wanting that, I knew...

It wasn't going to happen.

My fists clenched as I stilled myself.  
I was alone. And I had to make decisions myself now. No more relying on Kanan.

I didn't have the right.

Taking a steady breath I looked up, my blue eyes shining like steel with my resolve.  
Maul always knew what would hurt me.  
He only needed to speak the truth, and my resolve crumbled before him.  
And I hated it.

"What do you want, Maul?" I finally ask, my voice strong yet sounding more weary than I intended. "Why did you __really__ take me from the Ghost?"

I knew he could sense the small bit of me that was genuinely curious.  
The bit of me, that even after everything he's done, still trusted him a small bit.  
To that part of me we were so alike, after all...

Maul chuckled, his voice once more in my mind, showing he wasn't truly behind me as I had thought before.

''Ah, that is the question, isn't it?'' I could hear his amusement had returned, but for once I didn't respond with anger.

''Well fear not my Apprentice, for I have the answers you seek. And I shall gladly share them with you.''

Like a creeping tide I felt my mind fill with the same fuzzy feeling that I had pushed away earlier. Yet for the life of me I couldn't seem to focus enough on it to be concerned as my hand suddenly began to raise, intent on opening the door as a strange sensation travels through my mind from Maul's.

A slight part of me felt alarmed by that feeling, and it struggled to resist the urge to open the door.  
He was showing me the way, I could feel it.  
It felt like our bond was stronger than ever now, and this disturbed me greatly.

I shouldn't go so easily... I knew that, so... what was I thinking...?

_I need to buy some time_... I thought slowly, fingers twitching as my brow bunched from the conflicting instincts fighting for dominance.

It was the only way to dispel this strange feeling. I felt that with certainty within my heart. Though I could feel my mind resisting my attempts to fight against the fuzziness within it.  
Man, my mind felt so... weird.  
Definitely not a good sign.

Ah, suppose the door was locked, right...? That could buy a little time...

"Um, but the door is..." I begin to say, ready to voice my thoughts as I fought against the instinct to go to him, but my voice fails me.  
Much to my further confusion.

Why did I feel so compelled to listen to him?  
To hear everything he was wanting to tell me like it was some secret truth I've been longing for?

"Locked?" Mauls says softly, finishing my sentence for me and pulling away from the bond a little with his usual amusement. "My boy, it was never locked to begin with, you could've ran at any time."  
  
He chuckles as my mind fills with numb shock over his words.

"Now come, my Apprentice." He says, his voice beckoning within my mind. "Don't keep me waiting.''

The Force itself seemed to pull me to do as he said, and my own mind seemed to be working against me, the need to see him, weather out of curiousity or anger, won out against the instincts of my heart.  
The part that refused to trust him.

Yet as I felt myself stepping forward, I didn't respond to him.

Without a word from me, the door opens, and I dimly notice I was the one who opened it as I made my way through the gray colored hallways.  
I knew where I was supposed to go, I could feel Maul guiding me in my mind.  
Strangely, I no longer felt alarmed by that.

I passed many doors along the way, yet not once did I stop.  
Not once did I hesitate.  
And not once, did I care to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And sorry if it's short. Some chapters will be, unfortunately.


	4. The Reluctant and Unexpected

When I finally found Maul it was in an unexpected place.

I thought I was going to be lead to the bridge, or even his private quarters, but instead when I opened the door I was lead to I found him in a room that looked surprisingly like a meditation chamber.

The circular room was made to look dark and ominous, from the looks of it.  
Dim lights lit up the dark walls at sparse intervals, and the dark floor itself was bare except for the strange lit up structure against the back wall, right behind Maul himself, which caste him with a shadowed appearance.

Speaking of Maul...  
He seemed to be meditating.  
He sat cross legged on the floor, hands resting on his knees upturned with his deactivated saberstaff resting in one of them.

I couldn't help but frown at the sight.

Wait... Did Sith -or former Sith- meditate?

I mean, that seemed more of a Jedi thing to do, peace and centering and everything.  
  
But Sith? Yeah, bloodbaths and crazy laughter seemed like something more up their alley.  
Did I mention death?  
_Can't leave their killing tendencies out of the equation._ I thought to myself bitterly, recalling the stories Kanan told me of the things he once read about them in the Jedi Temple's library.

Well whatever he was up too, It was a strange sight, that's for sure.

 _Might as well get this over with..._ I sighed reluctantly.

Crossing my arms I leaned back against the wall beside the door, my voice tired yet still resentful as I spoke. "You know, for someone who kidnapped me from my home and family, you seem quite calm about everything."

Mauls darkened form remained motionless, not even twitching at the sudden disturbance to the quiet room.

After a few moments of continued silence I was beginning to think he wasn't going to respond, that he was ignoring me. Which was starting to irk me greatly as I could feel my anger creep back up my spin like a cold serpent, ready to send my mind afire once more in anger.

Finally he chuckles, breaking the silence.

"Such anger I sense in you..." Maul says, voice soft yet still holding his familiar amusement. His eyes remained closed as he turned his head to the side slightly and continued before I could speak. "My dear boy, why must you always be so spiteful towards me? Haven't I always been truthful to you?"

Was he being serious right now? My eyes narrowed subconsciously.

"Yeah, well, our previous encounter spoke for itself." I say coldly, not liking the surge of memories that enveloped my mind at the reminder.

He chuckles at the bite in my voice as he turns his face back towards me and finally opens his eyes, flashing an earie yellow in the dark. "Ah yes, Malachor. Such fun." His deep amusement was clear in his voice now.  
  
"But that isn't why I brought you here, Apprentice. I would simply like for us both to find answers to some long overdue questions of ours. If you would assist me in the matter, that is."  
**  
** I stared for a moment, unsure that I heard him right. ****  
Wait, what... was he seriously asking for my help...?  
  
My brow bunches together in my confusion as I frown at him. "How?"

He gestures beside him with his empty hand. "Let me show you."

 _Seriously...?_ I muse to myself with disbelief. He didn't actually expect me to trust him so blindly again, did he?  
And actually sit beside him so willingly?

I knew it would be crazy to do so, honestly I did, yet...  
That same part of me from before hesitated.

He wanted to answer my questions...?

It was painful to remember, but I knew what he was referring too.  
Malachor.  
He was talking about Malachor.

 _Why did everything have to go back to that planet...?_ I thought as I looked away from Maul, eyes shutting tightly against the painful images flashing through my mind.  
Even after everything that had happened, he still claimed to know how I could get justice on the Empire.

But... did I dare believe him...?

No. I wasn't going to let myself.  
Not this time.

Yet... He felt so sure through our bond...

I look back towards him, noticing he hadn't moved at all, simply watching patiently, waiting for me to decide.

My eyes narrowed in disgust. Whether towards him or myself I wasn't sure.  
But I hated it.  
I hated how he looked so confident, like he knew me better than myself.  
To see that filled me with anger and resentment so strong I could choke on them.

But...  
If there was a way, and he knew of it...

I painfully swallowed my pride. I certainly didn't want to rely on Maul and what he knew, but if he was being truthful, then...

I couldn't let this opportunity pass.  
Not if it was true.  
I owed it to parents. To everyone on the Ghost. And to Kanan-  
  
I choked up on the last thought, unable to finish it as my fists clenched.

Honestly, I hated myself for what I was about to do, but it was time to make my own decision.  
I couldn't rely on Kanan and the others to do all the decision making for me anymore.  
No- I couldn't be a kid in their eyes anymore.  
Malachor made me see that clearly.  
  
Childish decisions got people injured.  
  
It got people killed.

Ahsoka flashed through my mind at that last part, making my chest clench, but I forcefully shoved the images away as I straightened back up from the wall and stepped forward towards Maul.

"Fine." I say coldly, hating the way he felt victorious through our bond at my words.  
  
"But I'm hanging on to this. I don't trust you." I say as I Force pull his saberstaff from his hand and into mine.

Maul simply smirked, not even alarm flashed through our bond from him, just confidence. "As you wish, Apprentice."

My eyes began to feel heated as I glared at him, yet he simply gestured to the floor beside him once more, beckoning. "Shall we begin?"

I hated this.  
I hated Maul.  
I hated myself.

Surprisingly, I was even starting to hate the feeling of hate itself.

 _Ah, what had Kanan said about that...? Hate can lead to the Dark side or something...?_  
  
I sigh mentally.

 _Honestly... I'm getting tired of even caring...'_ I thought darkly to myself, unaware of how dark my thoughts had truly become as I walked over to Maul stiffly, his saberstaff clutched tightly in my hand as I got into position beside him and sat down. Gaining another smirk/smile from him for my efforts.  
I forced myself to ignore it.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I look to him with my brow arched. "Meditate with you?" I ask skeptically, unable to keep my sarcasm from seeping in a little.

Maul simply glances towards me and sends amusement down our bond as he gets into his previous position once more, closing his eyes.

"Just do as I do, Apprentice. I shall show you the answers in time."

"Oh great. Cause I've always been the patient type." I say with false cheer as I roll my eyes.

Focusing forward I stare at the door stubbornly for a few minutes in growing silence before sighing.

"Whatever... I'm not your apprentice..." I muttered tiredly as I positioned my hands like his.

I hated myself.

I hated that I even cared enough to do as he said.

Yet I still closed my eyes as I was told.  
I still let my mind fade into my bond with Maul, drifting into the darkness of his mind as he did mine.  
Still followed his lead as he began showing me things through the Force.  
And I still- I still...

**I still hated myself.**


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting in a meditation position next to someone who I still considered my enemy was more than a little tenseful for me. Doing it for days? That was down right stressful. **  
**

Especially in this creepy meditating chamber of his...   
The contrast of the darkness in the room against the spaced out lights were still unsettling for me.

"Seriously," I finally say, my hand unconsciously clenching against Maul's saberstaff in frustration. " _Why_ do we have to do this every day? I thought you were going to show me how to defeat the Empire, not... whatever we're even doing."

My right eye cracks open as I glance towards Maul beside me, his shadowed form not even flinching in response to my words. "Maul, what _are_ we doing. Seriously, I didn't agree to be playing around here. I have better things to do."

_Like looking for a communications room or something..._ I mused as silently as possible, being careful not to let Maul overhear my mental plans of contacting the Ghost.

It's not like I was going against my word or anything, but I _did_ want to let the others know I was ok.  
  
I felt guilty thinking about them looking around desperately for me when I was relatively safe and sound.  
Hera was probably worried sick... not to mention Kan-  
I shut that thought down fast as I felt Maul stir on the other side of our bond, not wanting to take the chance of him hearing my thoughts.

I could feel his own growing irritation roll through our bond as he glanced towards me in response to my previous remark, before he focused forward and closed his eyes once more.

"And I will show you, as promised, Apprentice. But first you have to learn a couple things. You can go sneaking around for a way to contact your friends later. I'm sure they won't mind waiting some more." A ghost of a smirk suddenly twitched across his lips at my rippling shock within our bond. "Ah, you didn't think I failed to notice your troublesome behavior lately, did you?"

Both of my eyes opened fully and focused on that small smirk he held, amusement barely brushing through our bond from him as my mind raced with what that meant for my own plans.

He knew about that already...?  
But if he already knew I was doing that during my free-time, then... why wasn't he stopping me...?

Like usual, it seemed like he was planning something.  
And it just so happened to go hand I hand with my own plan at the moment, otherwise I was sure he would've stopped me already.

Was this just another weird test of his?  
To see just how resourceful I was when alone?  
If that was the case, it actually made sense, though I was reluctant to admit it.

Really... why would I willingly admit his plan was actually a good one...? And to _him_ none the less?  
I certainly didn't want him to think I looked up to him in any way, that would be... yeah, just... yeah.

Deciding to confront him about it though, I arched my brow at him with a weak grin of my own, knowing that he would sense it even without seeing my facial expressions. "So uh, you already knew about that, huh?"

"Hmm, amongst other things, yes..." His eyes remained closed, though his words stirred slight alarm that I quickly suppressed as my eyes narrowed.

Seriously...?  
Did he really know more about my plans, or was he just trying to unsettle me...? Trying to make me slip up...?  
I waited for a few moments in silence, but he didn't elaborate. Instead he said something else, much to my disappointment.

"Ezra, would you care to focus on what we came here to do? If you want me to share what I have learned with you, you're going to have to pay attention." His voice was low and stern, but I could feel his amusement at my disappointment through our bond.

Change of subject, huh? Well, whatever, I'd play along for now. His knowing things wasn't going to stop my plan, just... change it a little.

Though... I really didn't like how I let myself slip up emotionally.  
I didn't want him to sense that I was actually looking forward to him telling me what more he had truly learned about my plan, so that I could improve it.  
It may have been more of a student/teacher feeling I had genuinely felt with a spark of excitement than I wanted to admit...

Shying away from him mentally I looked to the door in front of us, glaring a hole through it in anger and slight embarrassment as I went ahead and responded to him.

"Yeah, well... Meditating is boring..." I wasn't sure if a scowl or grimace crossed my face at those truthful words, but either way, I was irritated at myself for it.

I had thought I was going to stop being so childish in my actions and words... but...  
Meditating was still _so_ boring!  
Kanan was the first I ever tried to do it with, then Maul, yet...  
It would seem it was _still_ boring no matter who I tried to do it with.

I slumped from the position I was in, sighing as I positioned my hand with Maul's saberstaff directly in the center of my lap to study it closer.

I was majorly bored, and it _did_ look pretty cool... so why not...?

_...Not like I admire its design or anything..._ I mumbled in my mind with a little edge of bitterness.  
I obviously didn't have my own lightsaber anymore... but I refused to believe that I was jealous of Maul for still having his.

_I was though... just a bit..._

My grip tightened painfully around his saberstaff at that small honest voice within my mind.

It angered me to feel such awe towards a lightsaber that a Dark Side user had.  
Especially since it was Maul's.  
That was like icing on the cake.  
A very bitter, rage filled and guilt ridden cake.

I sighed again.

Yeah... I just wanted to throw this thing sometimes...

Unaware that Maul could hear my broading thoughts I got lost in them, not sensing Maul pull away from our bond or hearing him sigh before looking over to my slumped form.

"Apprentice..." His voice was low, but commanding, gaining my minds attention slightly before he continued. "If you don't want to meditate with me, then-"

"I can leave?" I ask hopefully, interrupting him as I immediately perk up from my slumped position and looked over to meet his eyes.

His jaw seemed to tick in irritation as his eyes narrowed at mine.

"No. You can deal with it and try harder." His voice was a bit of a growl at this point, but I was more focused on what he had said as a grin fought its way onto my face.

Surprisingly one of Yoda's teachings popped into my mind at his choice of words, which distracted me from the conversation at hand.

_Do or do not. There is no try.'_ I thought to myself with a small smirk as I glanced down to the saberstaff again.

Yeah... the little green guy had a point, huh...?

Sighing with a new determination I straightened back into position, wanting to get this all finally over with.

"Fine then, I'll try... I'll... just do that." I say to Maul reluctantly as I closed my eyes, rolling my already tensing shoulders to make them relax a little more.

I could feel the approval as well as the raised brow Maul gave me for my abrupt mood change through our bond, but he didn't seem to want to ask why as he shifted slightly and resumed his position as well beside me.

"Very well, then..." He mummers softly, those words of his surprisingly the last words either of us would speak to each other during the remainder of our meditation that day.

As soon as he delved back into our bond full force, my own mind followed shortly after, determined to learn all I could.

Determined to finish this.


	6. A Mother's Conviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera makes a choice. Consequences be damned.

**Hera's POV**  


* * *

It had been a week since we told the others about Ezra being taken, and Sabine was still mad about it.  
Furious, even, that we hadn't gotten a single sign of him appearing anywhere the entire time.  
He was just... gone.  
And that, it turned out, was too much for us to deal with normally.

Kanan had lost his composure the day it happened, and he still hadn't gotten it back. Even took to locking himself in his room for two whole days trying to find Ezra before I had Zeb drag him out so he could eat properly.

Even Zeb was visibly upset, even though he tried to his best to hide it.  
He was shaken about the thought of never seeing Ezra again.  
We all were, but I could tell he had come to see Ezra as a brother, just as Sabine had.  
He even had trouble sleeping in the room they used to share, but he would deny it when I would catch him up in the early mornings drinking coffee in the common room, bags forming under his eyes.

I felt like I was the only one still holding a bit of calm over the matter, that I was the only one who could hold the others together and get us on the right path to finding Ezra again.

And I would.  
I wouldn't let my family fall apart.  
We would find Ezra, and I would personally punch Maul for good measure for taking him from us.  
For trying to break our family apart.

That being said, I usually had faith in Kanan's abilities, but he still hadn't sensed even a slight spark from Ezra at all through their bond.  
It made me wonder if the bond was even still there, as reluctant as I was to admit it, but Kanan insisted that it was just blocked, no matter how many times I tried to get him to try another method.  
Finally I had had enough of him closing us out, and confronted him during our meeting yesterday.

It was time to ask for help, and he knew it.

Chopper and Zeb agreeing easier to the idea than Sabine since she still held reluctance towards others intervening in their family's problems, but eventually even she came around, which left me to arrange the meeting with commander Sato in a way that didn't make Kanan feel any more useless than he already did.

It was a little difficult, but now we were here, the rest of the crew standing in the common room with me as we surrounded the holo-table and explained to Commander Sato himself what had happened.  
Unsurprisingly, he looked just as disbelieving as I thought he would be as he frowned in silence at the end of our explanation.

I could tell he was thinking ahead, analyzing the possibilities as information streamed through his mind, hoping to connect the dots and make new ones to complete the scenario trying to develop within his mind.  
He had the look of a strategist, analyzing information faster than most within moments of it being revealed.  
I knew that look.  
It was the way my own eyes had looked many of times after Ezra was taken after all.

Yet just like me, he seemed to have trouble with it. Unable to determine all the pieces to the puzzling situation before him as he frowned and came away from his thoughts.

"What do you mean, he was taken?" He crosses his arms, slightly troubled. "How could this- Maul was it?- Take a fellow crew member off your ship without you even noticing?"

I exchanged a look with Kanan as we both involuntarily flinched at his words, guilt trying to claw its way even more into our minds.  
Yet as I looked back to Commander Sato to respond, I noticed Sabine glower at his holo, instantly knowing that she had seen the exchange between Kanan and I.

I knew from the look on her face that she thought we were already guilt ridden enough without the harsh words from the Commander.  
His demeaning words towards her family, intentional or not, was all she needed to direct some of her building anger towards him.

 _Oh no... Sabine, don't..._ I thought with building disapproval as she stepped forward, gaining everyone's attention.

"Ezra." She says, her voice a barely contained fury waiting to be unleashed. "His name is Ezra, sir."

"Sabine..." I say low in warning, disapproval clear in my voice towards the girls obvious sneering attitude.  
  
I could understand that Sabine was more than a little angry after we told her that Ezra had been taken by Maul, but we were all upset.  
With ourselves, mostly, but it would be bad for Sabine to lash out at the Commander.  
If we were expecting help from the other cells, then she was going to have to control her anger for the moment.

Yet when she glanced over and met my gaze Sabine only huffed in annoyance, not catching on to what I was trying to communicate to her with my pointed looks.

"What?" She snaps out before glaring back at the Commander. "He knows Ezra's name, he doesn't have to act like he can't use it. He isn't dead."

At this Kanan stepped forward, his hand finding her shoulder as he shifts to face her direction, worry and weariness lining his face heavily.

"Sabine, the Commander knows this, he is just trying to understand the situation better."

"But-"

Kanan gave her as much of a pointed look as he could with his facial expressions, interrupting her. "Sabine, maybe you and Zeb should wait outside for us."

With a mumble and a sigh Zeb approached Sabine, putting his hand on her other shoulder as he began to try and steer her towards the door.  
She shrugged his hand off though, giving one final glare to Sato as she ground out in anger.

"Ezra. Isn't. Dead."

With that she turned in a tight circle and marched out of the door by herself. A clear ball of rage.

Zeb simply shook his head as he watched her go.  
  
"Kids these days..." he muttered as he followed her out the door, it hissing shut behind him firmly.

I sighed into the new silence Sabine had caused, worry making my voice sound just as tired as Kanan's as my tension eased from my shoulders.

"I'm sorry Commander. I wouldn't have let her be in here at all if I knew she was going to direct her anger towards you." I say apologetically.

Commander Sato simply clasped his hands behind his back though, his voice rather calm in responding.

"It's alright Captain Syndulla, she simply cares deeply for the boy, and its showing." He glances between kanan and I. "Frankly, it's showing on all of you."

"We- " Kanan glances to me before continuing. "... care greatly for Ezra. My padawan, he's-"

"Family." I finish for him, smiling faintly to Kanan.  
  
He was having a harder time then the rest of them were, I knew.

I couldn't possibly imagine what it was like to be connected to someone as he and Ezra were, and then to have the connection severed so suddenly...  
It was burdening him more than he wanted to admit or show in front of the others, but I could tell.  
I always could.

I wanted to help Kana and Ezra both though, no matter what it took.  
I wasn't going to fail my family.

Shoulders straightening I look back to the hologram on the table, determination showing as I spoke.

"That is why we are asking for your help, Commander. We are unsure as to how Maul got onboard, but Kanan believes Maul managed to do so with an ability he himself is unfamiliar with within the Force." I clasp my hands tightly behind my back as I continued. "We were hoping you could help us to search for him, actually. That Falcrum would possibly have some information for us. A lead as to where Maul has taken Ezra. Kanan is..."

Honestly I hated having to say it, I didn't want to hurt Kanan more, but it needed to be said.

"Kanan... is no longer able to sense him anymore. It's been a week with no signs of him on our end. Please, surely your contacts in the Empire might know something, anything, about a boy of his discription appearing..."

I could feel Kanan flinch again beside me, yet he remained silent, waiting for Sato's response as I bit my lower lip in worry.  
I'd talk to him after this, but first...

If I was honest with myself. I was genuinely hoping for good news, but Sato's frown simply deepened, like he truly regretted what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry Captain Syndulla, but we cannot jeopardize our agents cover within the Empire for information on a padawan who may be dead at this point. A Master Jedi unable to sense their padawan is not a good sign Captain. Falcrum informed me of that much while she was still with us." He straightens. "My answer is no, Captain. We cannot risk it."

Kanan jerked back like he's been slapped, but I was too shocked by the Commanders outright refusal to say anything as Kanan seemed to snarl.

"Are you saying my padawans life means nothing to you _or_ your rebellion now? That you won't even _try_ to help us find him?"

Sato opens his mouth as if to respond, but Kanan talks over him, not giving him a chance.

"Never underestimate my padawan, he's lived through more impossible odds than this." His hands clenched into fists at his sides, and his anger was noticeable even to my shock addled mind. "Just forget it, I don't need you or your rebellion, commander Sato. I can find him myself."

Kanan turned and stiffly headed to the door before I could say anything, leaving me to turn just in time to see chopper follow him out with a couple beeps and waves of his mechanical hands.

I was _de_ _finitely_ talking to him after this.  
He wasn't acting like his usual self at all...

With a frown I focused back on Sato's image, my confusion over his words clearly showing on my face as he frowned after Kanan as well, only glancing to me after a moment of silence had seeped into the room once more.

"Captain Syndulla...," He seemed to hesitate a moment. "...I am sorry, truly, but the rebellion is bigger than a missing child. Bigger than all of us."

He turns and nods to someone not in range of the holo-vid before stating in a firmer voice.

"If the Ghost insists on pursuing after the boy then we must suspend your service to the Rebellion for the time being, as you will be acting as an individual cell, without the permission or backing of the main rebel fleet. Is that clear, Captain Syndulla?"

He... what...?!  
  
My eyes widened, confusion draining to shock once more in an instant.  
  
He couldn't be serious...!

I open my mouth to protest, but then a thought made me hesitate.  
After a few moments I clenched my hands together into fists behind my back and lowered my head, shadowing my eyes as I responded quietly.

"I... I understand, Commander."

Sato nodded in approval, about to say something more, but I continued to speak, raising my head to show fiery determination in my eyes.

"I understand, sir, and with all do respect, the Ghost and its crew will be withdrawing from the rebellion for awhile."  
  
I smiled with motherly pride, sure I was making the best decision for myself and the crew, as we all wanted to find Ezra desperately.

"Consider this my resignation, Commander."  
  
Without a word further from myself, I stepped forward and ended the transmission, not caring for the shocked Sato's reply.

It was time to get my little boy back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was reluctant, but... willing.

**** Ezra's POV  
  


* * *

****

I still couldn't believe it had been two weeks since I arrived on Maul's ship. It felt surreal to me. Like maybe one day I'd wake up and everything would be over. No more Maul, or strange lessons, just... The Ghost. My old room and Zeb snoring loudly above me.  
  
But that was the dream, I knew. Everything happening right now was real, and I couldn't even manage to find one freakin' room specifically to call out and reassure my friends turned family that I was still alive.   
It was ridiculous.  
  
Not that it was entirely _my_ fault in the matter. I had yet to explore the ship completely as Maul always made a point to persuade - and sometimes threaten - me into coming to the meditation room with him for hours on end every day before I gratefully went back to my own 'room' exhausted, just to simply wake and repeat the process the very next day.

Sure, he let me hang onto his saberstaff whenever we were together, but it did little to ease the nerves of having to sit next to him and _willingly_ go into his mind in order for him to teach me about the Force and show me what he had discovered about the Empire.

Which was just what he had promised in a way.  
Like I had wanted.

Naturally I would always mumble 'why' when we'd begin our sessions. I _really_ didn't want to be in his mind any more than I had to, and saw no problem with him telling me in words _outside_ of my mind. Especially since doing it through the bond was similar to the way me and Kanan used to do things. But that seemed to be a firm negative were Maul was concerned  
It made me highly uncomfortable each and every time, but I would reluctantly do it anyway.

What had surprised me early on in these lessons however, was that Maul would sometimes answer my mental questions if I got curious about something.   
It was strange at first, but then I realized why he was doing it. It was to try and sooth my nerves, a distraction from my hesitance, so I would focus better on what I had come to call "lessons" with him.

And I hated to admit it, but it actually worked.  
For a bit anyway.

In fact I had just started another days worth of meditating for hours with him when my eyes snapped open in shock, ending the merging in an instant before an hour had even passed as he showed me something I had been wondering about since I arrived.

Woah… was that even possible?

I was surprised that Maul had decided to share that information with me honestly.  
And I had to admit, though rather reluctantly, that what Maul had revealed to me was pretty fascinating.

But it was also concerning.

After I got all that I needed from him, I was definitely going to have to warn everyone about that ability of his...

I clear my throat a little hesitantly as I felt Maul pulling away from the bond as well.  
I could tell he was irritated by my own abrupt leaving of our session, but it was a little shocking to find out someone could travel through the Force like that, and in my opinion, I acted accordingly.

Besides, I was starting to think he never stopped being irritated anyway... Or amused, for that matter.

Focusing away from my thoughts I frowned down at Maul's saberstaff, shock turning into confusion and reluctant awe.

"So um," I say slowly. "Was that how you got onto the Phantom? I mean, that's..." My voice immediately faded off as my brow knitted in uncertainty.

I was honestly unsure what to say about what he showed me within my mind.  
I really didn't feel like being honest to him about it, given his history of using things against me, but it was a new discovery for me. I was excited.  
I had no idea anyone could do that.  
And Kanan had never told me about an ability like that either.

Though I had to admit, at this point, I was starting to doubt Kanan even knew that much himself about the Force and it's given abilities.  
  
I mean, surely he would've told me if he knew about even half the things Maul had shared, right...?  
He was my master, he was meant to teach me everything he could, he said so himself...  
Yeah... I probably shouldn't be doubting Kanan at all... but after everything that I had learned from Maul this past week alone, it was...

No, I couldn't focus on thoughts like that at the moment. There could be no room for doubt in my mind, no matter the reason.  
I had to focus on the task at hand. Just like Maul told me.

Even so... What I had just learned from Maul about how he got to me in the first place was quite...

As if hearing my droning thoughts Maul chuckles, his annoyance fading from our bond as a small grin formed and he opened his eyes slowly, glancing towards me in amusement.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" He asks, his voice drawing me from my thoughts quickly.

I couldn't help but turn and meet his glowing eyes with a scowl though.  
My usual timid behavior when it came to speaking my mind with Maul had ended about a week ago, the fear of immediate death by saber fading, leaving me a bit more bold with my words.  
I'd even call him out on things now.  
Just like I was about to do.

"Are you seriously reading my mind right now?" I asked with annoyance, not liking his prying one bit.

Ugh... I couldn't believe we were back to bantering again...

Seriously, could we not go a day without snapping at each other about something?  
Oh wait, scratch that.  
Could he go a day without reading my mind? That was the better question.

"We're bonded Ezra," He says, pulling me from my thoughts. "Your emotions are quite easy for me to read." He gives me a bemused look at this. "Didn't your former master teach you anything useful?"

I could feel my old embers of anger over Kanan stirring, but I pushed it down as best I could.  
  
"It's master. Nothing former about it." I say as my eyes narrow. "Besides, he's been a little busy worrying about other things after you _blinded him_ **."** I layered the last part heavily, and I knew Maul could tell I was angered by his previous remark.

Yet he simply chuckles and stands, seeming to come to the decision that today's meditation lessons were over, even though we hadn't been at it for long.

"Ah yes, of course. How could I forget that?" He was beginning to speak with more sarcasm around me of late as well, much to my irritation over the matter.

Wait... did he seriously think I was just joking about my master...?

We seriously hadn't trained on anything since he was blinded on Malachor.  
And it was all Maul's fault.

Ignoring my glare digging into him he turned to face me with amusement in our bond, offering me his hand as if to help me up from the floor as well.

I felt my anger ripple with disbelief.  
Seriously? Yeah, right, like I was gonna act all buddy-buddy with him now.  
This was all just a necessary evil in my book.  
Nothing more.

Without a word I swatted his hand away with more force than I intended, standing on my own with Maul's saberstaff clutched tightly in my hand as Maul simply raised a brow at my display of anger.

"No thanks," I say bitterly at his offer. "I'd rather not have your help."

"Oh? Then that will certainly complicate things." He responds calmly with amusement as he puts his hands behind his back, not disturbed in the slightest by my attitude as he continued to tease me. "Ah... and yet... here you are, are you not? Helping me get something I want, as I am helping you get something you so desperately want in turn. Why else would you be here if not for my help, apprentice? And so willingly..."

"It doesn't matter." I say angrily, cutting him off. "All of this, your 'help', and mine as well, willing or not, is only temporary."   
  
I narrow my eyes and raise my hand palm-up in between us with his saberstaff clutched loosely, offering it back to him out of habit since our lesson was over as I continued.   
  
"As soon as I'm done getting what I need from you, this little business deal of ours is over. _We_ are over, Maul."

He seemed a little taken back by my bold statement as his eyes widened a slight fraction, but then his grin returned and he reached out, taking his saberstaff and putting it behind his back with his other hand as he chuckled.

"Ah, I see. This is all business to you, is it? Then, we should both set some boundaries for the other, no?"

He sounded... proud, almost, about me stating how it was going to be between us. Which only raised my alarms as to why.

I didn't know what he was planning, but...  
What he was subtly offering just now...

''A partnership, huh...?'' I mutter warily, feeling confirmation from him through our bond.

Well... It did sound reasonable...

From the implications, it actually offered me some liberties I probably wouldn't get the chance to get again.  
Before, I was pretty sure I was just a reluctantly helpful prisoner. But now...?

It certainly sounded nice, but...

I wasn't going to say it was 'fair' in front of Maul, since he was probably getting something even better out of this deal that I clearly didn't know about.  
He was always up to something, so I knew he had to have offered with some end goal in mind.  
Saying 'fair' at his offer would probably only serve to amuse him even further.

_Whatever..._ I sigh mentally. _Guess it really didn't matter..._

Let him plan. I certainly wasn't doing any of this out of the kindness of my heart either.  
I would just have to keep a closer eye on him.

"...Fine." I say, reluctantly agreeing to his proposition before he changed the offer. "But... why are you being so generous all of a sudden?" I knew my facial expression was showing my distrust. "Surely being 'partners' doesn't benefit you as much as it does me."

I cross my arms at the last part, waiting for his answer.  
Honestly I was genially curious, I just hoped my habit of openly questioning everything didn't ruin the chances of this 'deal' he was offering.  
I groan inwardly at the thought. _Karabast, that would be just my luck..._

Yet Maul didn't seem upset in the least at my obvious doubt over him.

"You and I have things to accomplish." He stated matter-of-factly. "I simply want us both to be doing our best in the matter without trying to betray each other at the last minute. That would be... unwise, for the both of us."

I was caught by surprise a little by what he said.  
He sounded... genuine... was he seriously being honest right now?  
No, he couldn't be.  
  
I frowned and scolded myself mentally for starting to believe him so easily again.  
It sounded genuine, but he was also a good actor.  
This certainly wouldn't have been the first time he tricked me into something.

Mind made up I easily pushed away the part of me that wanted to believe him and rolled my eyes in skepticism over his words.

"Um, betrayal is more of something you would do, Maul." I reminded him with an arched brow. "Actually, you already did it before, remember?"

Malachor rose unwittingly to my mind, and I knew Maul sensed it through our bond as his expression took on a darker look and he narrowed his eyes.

"I did not betray you on Malachor, boy." He growled out in a low tone, almost making me regret bringing it up as his anger shifted into my mind, a burning force that made me mentally pull back from it with a wince as he continued. "I did not drop you when I had the chance. And I certainly didn't fail to protect you like your master did."

Images of retrieving the Holocron together flashed into my mind from his as he stopped talking, followed quickly by the incident with the inquisitors fighting my master and almost succeeding in knocking me off the temple, and just as suddenly flashing to the Seventh Sister standing before me on the temples stairs.

I flinched back in shock at the realness of the images he projected through our bond.

I felt the strong urge to speak up though, to defend my master, but I couldn't bring myself to deny what he said.

It was true, and I reluctantly knew it to be so.

Maul could've dropped me after I jumped with the Holocron, taking it from me and letting me be lost to the long chasm below without a second thought.  
But he didn't.  
He pulled me up, and I couldn't deny that he had saved me.

I refused to deny the truth I had seen with my very own eyes.

I also couldn't deny what had happened with the inquisitors...

As much as I had faith in my master, he hadn't been the one to save me.  
My master was busy with the Fifth Brother, and if Maul hadn't came, I would've been dead then too.  
He had pulled me up, once again.  
Saving me were my master could not.

And the Seventh Sister...

I shivered at the memory.

I actually had a chance then, to strike down the one who had hurt me and my friends. To deal a blow to the Empire.  
But I hesitated.  
And Maul did it for me.  
He did what I should've done, to end a threat to us all.  
Yet I was afraid of what Kanan would've thought if I had followed through with it myself. If I had ended her life, as I had so desperately wanted.

No. I couldn't deny it.  
If Maul hadn't been there either, I would've been killed. And that threat would've went on to kill my friends as well.

Maul...  
I hated him for what he did on Malachor to my master.  
But I wouldn't be here to even hate him as I did if it wasn't for him.

He saved me countless times that day, which is probably why a part of me still trusted him.  
I trusted him with my life, as strange as it was to admit, even mentally.  
Yet I did not trust him with anyone else's.

I would've laughed at how ridiculous it sounded, to feel like my life had more value to him than others, but even though he was Dark Side, I couldn't brush off what I had experienced myself.  
What I had seen in his eyes the moment he decided to save me.  
What I could feel, even now, through our bond that connected us.

It was there. So faint it could easily be overlooked.  
But I could feel it none the less.

He needed me.

And if I had to be honest, that was a feeling I had always felt myself longing for.  
I never felt needed so much as I did with him.  
I knew, that without me, whatever he was planning would fail.

Even the feeling of being needed by everyone on the Ghost was dim in comparison to Maul.  
It was... _Empowering_.

I could feel it through our bond even now, even though I was certain he didn't know it himself.  
His desires of what he was feeling in life were a strong blaze within the dark, a blaze that if you got too close, he would burn you out in an instant, as to prevent his own light from fading in even the slightest.  
It was a weird comparison, but that's how it felt within his mind.  
I had no words for the sensations I would interpret from him, just feelings. Feelings strong enough to consume everything in their path.

Which is why I knew he only needed me for his own purposes.  
But... even then...  
A strong part of me wanted to live up to that feeling he had in me. The same part that had compelled my mistrusting heart to do everything before.  
The feelings of certainty that Maul held towards me, that I could change the tide of the galaxy, and possessed strength worthy of his attention...

I was finding it hard to find fault in his way of thinking of me, simply because I too, was using him.  
The feeling of being wanted, no, _needed_ even. That even I had the strength to change lives for the better. To bring _justice_.  
It was hard to resist.

Growing up I had lived by my own code. And even now, I was falling back into it.  
I knew I wasn't following the Jedi Code that Kanan had tried so hard to teach me, but when I got back, I promised myself to try harder.  
For his sake.  
For the Rebellion's sake.

But just this once, I would dictate myself as I did on the streets once more.  
I would be selfish, lie, steal, and cheat to accomplish my goals and return to the Ghost faster.  
To return to my family faster.

Just this once... I would help the person all others hated even more than I.

Because I owed him.  
I owed him more than one life debt, and if living on the streets had taught me anything, it was to trust your instincts, and always repay your debts of life.

I would reluctantly help Maul, even if others didn't understand why.  
Even if they couldn't.

As I thought all this, I felt with certainty that I would be making new enemies in order to save old friends.

With a sigh, I look up and meet Maul's eyes with reluctance, but also new found resolve.

"You made your point, Maul. I... I accept your offer, just... stop reading my mind all the time. Those thoughts are private for a reason. Also, you can't hurt anyone on the Ghost either. No matter what happens when we run into them, you aren't allowed to harm them." I reluctantly put my hand out for him to shake. "Agreed?"

I could feel that Maul found the gesture slightly amusing, but he reached out with his hand that wasn't holding his saberstaff behind his back and grasped mine firmly with a chuckle. "Of course. As long as they don't interfere, I won't step in to deal with your little friends. That being said-"

I ground my teeth, trying to force patience as I spoke up to interrupt. "Maul, that's not-"

His grip tightens, silencing me with a glare as he continued. "I won't be killing them, boy. I will simply do what I must to incapacitate them. Besides," he lets go and puts his hand back behind his back. "If they're as great as you built them up to be in your mind, I'm sure they can handle being thrown around a little."

Even though he sounded amused at the prospect, I suppressed my anger at the visuals and nodded hesitantly, knowing that's the best I was going to get him to agree to.  
As long as he kept his end of the deal and didn't hurt them, that would have to do...

"...Yeah, I understand. As long you don't kill them, then..." I glance to the side as my voice drifted off in the end. I wasn't done... but... I really hated having to say what I was about to, even though I felt compelled too. Taking a deep breath I forced it out of my mind in that single exhale. "I- I'm sorry... about... um, doubting you, and everything, I guess..."

Hera would've probably scolded me for such a poor attempt at an apology, but between my embarrassment over having to in the first place and my embers of resentment and anger still flaring up, its all I could muster out of myself.

I figured an apology would at least help make things less awkward between us, and allow this partnership to proceed a little more smoothly.  
Yet Maul remained silent, making me nervous as I glanced back and met his now emotionless eyes before his mind suddenly brushed through mine.

It startled me, but his energy was a mild curious one, so it didn't hurt much at all as he quickly sorted through my emotions, sensing my hooded and reluctant sincerity behind the apology and building irritation over him scanning through my mind before pulling away from our bond, a twitch of the lip into a tempted grin appearing on his emotionless face as he gave a short nod to me.  
Much to my further surprise.

_He sure seemed satisfied with what he sensed..._ I thought slowly, a little confused.

"Apology accepted, Apprentice." He says softly, turning and making his way to the door, stopping in front of it as it opens with a quiet hiss. "Just remember, Ezra. My business partners benefit far more than my prisoners ever have." I frown as he casts one final and meaningful glance back towards me. "So lets keep it that way."

With that final subtle warning, he exited the room, leaving me there standing with jumbled emotions for the first time in over a week as the door shut behind him with a solid thud, leaving me in the silent and gloomy room to think about our new, and reluctantly willing, relationship.


	8. Something so Small...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smallest deeds herald change.

I was sound sleep in my assigned 'room' when a resounding thud coming from the end of the bed woke me.  
The shaking it caused enough to fully gander my annoyed attention.

I rubbed my eyes blearily as I sat up, the covers shifting down around me as I sent a small frown to the dark colored clothes that had been deposited near my feat before looking to Maul himself with the same annoyed - _ _tired -what the hell did he want-__ expression on my face.

I was definitely __not__ a morning person.  
Or more aptly, someone who did not take to being woken prematurely too well.

What the heck did he want that couldn't possibly wait?

Maul simply gave me an impassive expression as he stood there silently, even though there were traces of amusement from his side of the bond towards my... appearance.

Lets just say that Sabine compared my bedhead to a ruffled Lothcat once.

"...Well?" I finally mumbled after a few moments of silence, realizing he wasn't going to say anything first. "Is there a reason you're here, or are you just trying to annoy me? I'm not a morning person ya know..."

His brow quirked in open amusement at the slight lothal accent that had unconsciously slipped into my sleepy voice.

"Yes, I can see that." Casually he gestured to the clothes at the foot of my bed that had - _ _ungratefully__ \- woke me. "These are for you. To replace that torn suit of yours."

Now __that__ got my attention.

My mind stirred awake as memories of my favorite orange suit being torn the other day in our sparring session flew through my mind.

I leveled a glare at him.

"Oh, you mean the suit __you__ tore during our sparring session yesterday?" I gestured bitterly in the direction where it lay on the floor. "Yeah, thanks for that, by the way. Though I already fixed it. So I don't need your pity clothes."

__I was just fine washing my fav suit every day, thank you very much.__ Running through my head as I said the last part dismissively.

Besides I __really__ wanted to go back to bed already.

Maul unfortunately couldn't seem to let that happen though as he shifted into a more relaxed stance with his hands behind his back, looking genuinely curious about me, as disturbing as that was.

"You know how to sew?"

He asked carefully, as if just the thought of asking such a personal thing about me was hard for him.

His curiousity may have came from a genuine place, but the slightly incredulous sound in his voice ticked me off.

"Yeah. So what if I do?"

Old defiance flared in my still half asleep mind.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were insulting my self-taught domestic skills." I muttered with a glare.

His brow actually burrowed as a small frown graced his lips, clearly taken by surprise by my open hostilities when rudely waken.  
Though he shouldn't have been.  
I had warned him not to disturb me while I was sleeping unless it was important, and he had respected that.  
Until now anyway.

"No, I'm not trying to insult you." He says dismissively. - _ _This time-__ was left unsaid. "I'm simply surprised."

I tensed as he turned and walked over to the outfit of said discussion and picked it up, studying the rough patch job that I did to the previous gash in the side of it intently.

"It's..." He begins hesitantly, __-he better not say it-__ "...A bit rough, isn't it?"

My knuckles whitened with the hold I had on the comforter.

He said it.  
He _ _actually__ said it.

"Of course it is, some of us don't have mothers to teach us the perfecting art of patching." I mutter crossly, sending him a burning glare.

I was so **__**not**__** in the mood for any conversations this early in the mornings.  
Especially with him.

And I actually brought my mother into this of my own accord.

My impulsiveness was very high right now.

"I see..." His voice was quiet, no emotions slipping into that small statement as he glanced over and seemed to study me.

But I didn't care much for being dissected with his gaze like that. "Good. Then get out."

I growled in annoyance as I flopped back over into the bed, pulling the pillow with me to rest on the side of my head with finality.

I didn't even bother saying that I'd be there for our usual lessons.  
He knew I would be there.

No words needed to be said on either of our parts as a reminder for what always happened like clockwork.

Though later I would probably get more than a torn outfit out of our sparring match for saying such snappy things to him, but at the moment I couldn't care.

I quickly fell into sleep, unaware if Maul had actually left until I woke a couple hours later with a weary huff.

Getting up in resignation to what would be a taxing training day ahead for me I walked over with bleary vision and reached for my favorite - _ _now roughly patched__ \- outfit on the floor, completely ignoring the clothes Maul had deposited on the bed earlier.

Though the feeling of empty floor where I had reached made me pause.

Focusing so the distorted shapes of things finally came into view I quickly noticed the now empty spot where it had laid only hours ago.  
In fact the whole floor was entirely empty, leaving me to panic for a moment at the thought of Maul having taken it to be destroyed in revenge for my snappish attitude before I noticed a familiar orange on the stack of black on my bed.

I'm pretty sure I've never felt such crushing relief before as I rushed back to the bed and picked it up, holding it close to me as comforting memories of Lothal and the Ghost rushed through my mind.  
It was special to me. The familiar orange was more than just a worn suit in my eyes.  
It was memories.  
Memories of times I could never get back.

The rustling sound of something falling from the folds of my suit and back onto the bed however dragged me out of the comforting familiarity and I frowned as I looked down. _A personal holo-projector?  
_The small device laying innocently on the comforter did little to ease the sudden bought of tension it brought. I stared, weary.

Did Maul leave me a message of some kind?  
Talk about weird...

A little hesitant I turned it on and started to read the message that was projected into the air in front of me, my eyes widening in disbelief as I went.

* * *

****Apprentice.** **

****I took the liberty of fixing your ghastly mistake, as most Masters' are left to do when their Apprentice does something that would reflect badly on them both.** **

****Next time you need something fixed just bring it to me, save us both from the sight of such an atroc**** ****ious patch job again.** **

* * *

A sound of surprise slipped past my lips as I stared.

_He did what?!_

Dropping the projector back to the bed I shifted the suit to find the patch and see for myself, only to stop and stare once again.

Instead of the rough-looking blue fabric patch I had put on it, there was a much smoother job done.  
The two sides were successfully put back together, the blue fabric completely gone and unneeded, leaving only a line of barely visible stitches the length of the previous gash.

I don't know how long I stared, but a good several minutes had to have past.

Blinking I finally pulled myself out of it enough to look back down. Then up again. Looking between the holo-projector on my bed and the suit in hand, I could easily feel the guilt start to seep in.

He patched my suit __-which was surprising as heck on its own-__ and I was extremely grateful for that, but...  
How do I even pay something like that back?  
Especially after being so rude and snappy this morning when he came bearing new clothes for me...?

I glance to said pile with a frown.

...Maybe...

I looked back to the familiar orange for what seemed like hours, minutes passing quietly before I came to a decision.  
It would just be for the day, right...?  
And it would show my thanks without the need for awkward words, so...

Without hesitation I lay my suit back down on the bed and pick up the black clothes that Maul brought in and got dressed quickly, stubbornly not wanting to give myself the chance to back out of it.

_Seriously, what was I doing...?_

With a sigh of resignation I ran my hand through my hair and ruffled it in slight irritation.

_It's just this once, so suck it up._ I scolded myself before turning to leave the room.

Before I left to meet with Maul though I glanced in curiousity at my reflection in the wall mirror, wondering how it looked despite my reluctance on the matter.

But what I saw gave me pause, a sound of surprise slipping out as my eyes scanned the darker reflection of myself.

I had to admit, the longer I looked, the more I was grudgingly starting to admire the clothes that he had picked.  
They were actually quite... fitting for me, somehow.  
In fact they seemed to speak to a part of me, like my own suit did.

The chest piece was a sleeveless high-necked shirt of layered black leather, which was easily mimicked in style by the black bracers that now adorned my for-arms. The black pants looking simple enough in design by themselves. Though it was clear that they allowed the wearer much more freedom of movement which was only boosted by the surprisingly light combat boots that laced up to just below my knees.

And it was strange how I could easily picture a lightsaber nested within the multitudes of crisscrossed black leather straps that made up the belt around my waist.

It was apparent that he got me clothes with all the future fighting in mind, as the outfit was clearly one of quality combative design.  
I could already tell my speed and fighting form would be much better in these clothes.

Not to mention the seemingly silent promise in the belt that I would get another lightsaber one day.

_Hmm... actually... with the way the clothes felt..._ Perhaps I could even manage a hit on Maul today wearing this?  
Get a little revenge for him tearing my suit in the first place?

Now __that__ was an entertaining thought.

Sending a mischievous smirk at my reflection and making a silent promise to cut my still-growing hair shorter when I got back, I turned and headed out of the door for the training rooms, a new found confidence in my step.

And that feeling I got when his look of surprise shifted to one of pride and silent acknowledgement when I entered?

Well... that was nice too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha think? I couldn't resist adding this moment of... Fluff? Fun? Either way, it made me smile just writing it, thinking of how Ezra and Mauls dynamics could change into such an awkward thing for a moment. Leading to this not-so-masterpiece of a scene lol. Sooo... Enjoy! Hopefully, lol.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it really such a big deal? He couldn't bring himself to care.

Accepting a bet with Maul was probably not the best idea I could've had, but hey, it sounded fun. ****  
  
I was bored outside of my usual training sessions with Maul anyway, so what Maul proposed was a nice distraction from the sudden guilt ridden thoughts about the Ghost that would plague my mind when I wasn't busy.

The thought of the looks they would surely give me when they found out I chose Maul over them...

Yeah, best not to think about that.

Of course I knew the alliance was only temporary, but somehow, I didn't think that they would care much about that perspective.

Though I suppose I could understand where their worry over the situation would be coming from.  
After the sparring incident and spending all those weeks with Maul, I too was starting to notice something that probably should've set off more alarms than it did.

Definitely should've.

You think I would've noticed that I started wearing the new wardrobe Maul gave me more often than my own, until it was all I ever wore, my favorite orange suit tucked away safely in a drawer, but... I didn't.  
Not until much later anyway.  
And then it didn't seem to matter that much.

I certainly no longer felt the usual searing anger towards him for what he did on Malachor.

It used to always be there, hovering in the back of my mind like a dark storm that would make me snap at those I cared about, and even Maul himself in the beginning.  
But I think it slowly started becoming suppressed the moment I agreed to stay with Maul.  
Or maybe even before then? I didn't know honestly.

I couldn't tell when I had started to change so much, or even so little. But to me... I still felt normal.  
I had always felt this way.  
My rage still burned for the Empire. More than ever, even.

But Maul?

My rage towards him when I was back on the Ghost was insatiable.  
A drive that consumed me in both waking hours and sleep for only one thing outside of more power, and one thing only.  
Revenge.  
I had wanted to make him pay for everything he did on Malachor. That he did to Kanan. To... to me, even.  
I had felt betrayed more than anything, and I wanted him to pay for it.

But my feelings towards Maul was simply ones of hurt and betrayal, I knew that now.  
And as grudgingly as I was to admit it then, they were also of respect, and perhaps, familiarity.  
I looked up to him, I had realized.  
Like I did-... did with kanan.

Perhaps something __had__ changed lately. Something vast, that I could never get back.

But I felt certain of myself now because of Maul.  
I no longer felt so confused by my emotions as I was on the Ghost, even surrounded by my friends turned family.  
They made me feel free now.  
I was in control of my emotions. Alive.  
Like I could actually make a difference.

I could definitely feel my goals were in reach now more than ever. I felt that alongside Maul, I really could bring the corrupt Empire to its knees.  
And I craved it.  
We both did.  
I felt his desire for their demise as strongly as my own. More, even, as shocking as it was to think.  
How could someone possibly hate them more than me?

I never asked though, and I didn't plan too.  
I didn't want to reveal that our bond was more of a two way street than he realized.

He never seemed to think I could glance many things through our bond from him __-something about practice-__ so I was saving the fact that I __could__ as an advantage for later use.

After all, I needed all the ones I could get against Maul.

I did wonder though... Kanan and the others... how would they feel if I told them the thoughts I was having?  
They might try to understand, sure, but in the end... they would be ashamed, maybe even disgusted by my familiarity towards Maul.  
Especially after everything he's done.

I could only hope that in the end, after the Empire fell before us, they would accept it was a necessity.

But all my guilt ridden thoughts and questions would have to wait.

I had a game to win.

* * *

Crawling to the vents opening I dropped to the floor quietly, a grin forming as I look up and see the elevator doors before me, the robot guards gone from their usual positions.

Most likely doing a few patrols.

Good.  
Now was my chance.

I quickly reattached the grate with the Force as I straightened, making my way to stand in front of the doors in absolute silence.

I was doing surprisingly well covering my tracks and hiding my presence as I snuck through the ship, relying heavily on my newly strengthened connection to the Force to guide me around the security camera's and patrolling robots to insure that I got to the communications room without being noticed.

Kanan would've been proud.

If I hadn't learned how to conceal my presence from Maul, that is.

_Speaking of..._ What was I going to say to them after I managed to establish a connection to the Ghost?

I'd obviously tell them I was okay, but would they even take my word for it?  
Would they trust me?  
Probably not, but still... I wanted, _needed_ , to let them know. I just hoped they'd trust me when I said everything was okay. That there was no need to try and find me yet.

Though honestly, it's been over a month and the Ghost still hadn't came in turrets blazing, which lead me to believe we were better hidden than I gave Maul credit for.

_Hmm..._ _Suppose I could start out the message with 'Hey guys, did ya miss me?' and then chuckle sheepishly like the old days...?_

Ugh, no, I couldn't do that anymore.  
I didn't feel like I had the right, after everything I put them through.

Well, whatever I said, Kanan would still be mad about my agreement to stay with Maul, so I suppose it didn't matter too much on the details...

I smiled bitterly to myself at that thought, before the Force chimed in warning about what I assumed was the robot guards beginning to head back down the hallway towards me. Snapping me out of my musings instantly.

I'd think about what to say to them later, but first, I had to get into the room before I was caught.

Quickly pulling the access card I swiped from one of the robots on a different part of the ship the day before out of my bracer, I slid it into the scanner, setting my jaw stubbornly and hitting the button to open the elevator.

A bit impatient I hit the button again before a frown tugged at my lips.

Wait...  
Why wasn't the elevator...?

I looked to the red light the scanner was showing, realization dawning.  
Oh...  
The card was...

The sound of someone suddenly chuckling behind me had me jumping slightly and turning around fast, my face turning into something between a grimace and a scowl as the image of Maul crossing his arms at the end of the hall with a small grin greeted me.

"I'm impressed, Apprentice," he says calmly, "You got further than I anticipated. You can be quite resourceful, even without that little family of yours."

He seemed happy of that fact as a look of approval flicked across his eyes, calculating grin still in place.

I shifted to the side a little defensively at his words, arms crossing to mirror his as my eyes narrowed.

Well that was just great. It wasn't the robots coming down the hallway before. It was Maul.  
I needed to pay more attention to the way he hid his presence, then I'd at least be able to tell the difference between his robots and Maul himself.

"Nice of you to notice." I say lightheartedly, distracting myself from my own mental reprimand. "You could've let me get a little further before the interruption, though."

He raised his brow as amusement traveled through our bond. "And risk you winning our little bet? I think not, Apprentice."

With an eye-roll I partially turned to gesture to the denied keycard dismissively. "Well if you had actually played fairly in the first place, I would've beat you anyway. The stupid card doesn't work."

With a chuckle he pulls something out of the left cuff on his wrist, raising another access card up into view between his for-fingers.

"I remember stating quite clearly that there were __two__ possible cards that could grant you access to the communications room, and thusly, your precious friends. One would be positioned on one of my robots roaming the ship at random, the other, with me at all times. You chose to go after the wrong one, unfortunately." He threw the card to me with a flick of his fingers, my growing irritation turning to surprise as I raised my hand up and caught it on instinct. "Or perhaps... you don't want to talk to your friends as badly as you thought."

"You wish..." I mumble distractedly in response as I look down to the card he had thrown me wearily.

Why did he give me this? I failed the bet we made, didn't I?

"Why did you-?" I began to ask, looking up in time to see that he had closed the distance silently between us and now stood a short distance in front of me, his arms held behind his back in an aloft manner.

My surprise stopped the sentence short, but he seemed to know what I was about to ask anyway as he answered the question.

"I suppose you've earned a short message to your friends since you've done well in all your training." He says dismissively. "But you'll have plenty of time to send it to them later. First we have something important to do."

Wait, seriously? He was going to let me contact them?  
That didn't sound right though...  
What was he planning...?

My doubt over his sincerity quickly faded though as the feeling to trust him went through my mind, excitement rushing forward over the thought of talking to my friends again quickly overriding my sense of caution as I slid the access card into the same bracer I had used for the other card earlier for later use.

"Something important huh? What is it exactly?" I ask with more curiousity than intended as Maul smirked and pulled an inquisitors saberstaff from his belt, offering it to me.

"Take it. You'll be needing it with you on your mission."

My brow furrowed at his words, unsure if I had heard correctly.

He was sending me on a mission?  
By myself?  
That was... a little disconcerting.  
Seriously, what was he up too now?

I hesitantly reached out and took it from him anyway, sending a questioning feeling through our bond and looking up to him, the saberstaff held loosely between us.

"A mission? With an inquisitors weapon?" I glance down at it thoughtfully for a second. "What kind of mission, exactly?"

Maul chuckled fondly, finding my distracted and curious look while I studied the inquisitors saberstaff amusing in some way. "Nothing you won't agree to, I'm sure, Apprentice."

I glance back up and meet his amusement with a raised brow, saberstaff almost forgotten as he continued. "I believe it's time you made another lightsaber to replace the one you lost. One that is... more fitting for you now, than one slighted from Malachor."

My eyes widened slightly to what he was saying as he glanced down at the staff in my hand, a blurred memory flashing briefly through our bond of him taking it off the Seventh Sister before later leaving the planet himself.

A small bit of Jedi sentiment that Kanan had taught rose up at the image and tried to wrestle with my feelings on the matter in the back of my mind, clearly trying to convince me to say something out loud about him disrespecting someone he had killed so cold-heartedly, but I easily crushed it down.

Now wasn't the time for weak sentiment.

Besides, I had to take items off the dead plenty of times as a child to survive, so what was the difference?  
None as far as I was concerned.  
The dead couldn't do anything with the stuff they left behind anyway, so why waste it?

_Not that Kanan and the others knew much about those particular actions from my past..._

With a little 'hmm' of thought I focused on the saber in my hand once more, shifting it around to test the balance of it as everything he said finally slotted away within my mind.

"Sooo... A mission with a dead inquisitors saberstaff?" I frowned down at the weapon in my hand. I didn't like the feeling of it. It was almost... heavy feeling in my mind, even though it was physically light.

Almost like an afterthought, I spoke again before realizing what I was saying. "Can't I just use yours?"

I froze.  
What did I just...?

I wasn't sure who was more surprised, but from the overwhelming shock coursing through the bond, I think we were both equally stunned by what I had just asked.

"You..." Slight confusion was evident in Mauls voice, his fingers twitching slightly as he crossed his arms again. "...want to use mine?"

"U-um, no. I mean, I'm just used to holding yours lately I guess. It feels... different from this one, is all..." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly, the hand holding the saber staff hanging loosely to my side as I looked away nonchalantly.

__Okay, why the heck did I ask that?!_ _

It was true that they felt different, but seriously?!

I was getting to comfortable with his presence if words were unconsciously slipping out this badly.

A few moments of uncomfortable embarrassment from me passed before understanding flicked through our bond from Maul, quickly followed by an emotion I couldn't quite pinpoint fast enough before he closed it off.

Curious I looked back to him in time to see him turn around and start back down the hallway, his mind carefully blank on his side of the bond.

"I... see." His words were as deliberate as his slow pace, making me frown as I watched.

"I wonder... Did your precious __Jedi__ ever teach you much about the Force itself?"

He took my confused silence as answer enough and continued.

"Most are unable to sense a difference in lightsabers that have belonged to others, and how the Force within them are attuned to their former welder. But it seems I've underestimated you yet again Apprentice. You are more open to the delicate nature of the Force than I originally thought. It may serve our goal of crushing the Empire well, under the right guidance." He stops at the end of the hall, thinking of something.

"My Mother might be able to teach you some things better than I in that regard." He finally says, so quiet that I barely heard. "We will have to go visit her soon."

What?

Force revelations aside, did he just say he was going to introduce me to his mother?  
Was she a Force user too?

Feeling thoroughly confused I didn't even notice Maul glancing back at me until he spoke.

"Oh, and Apprentice?" It took me a second to hear him and refocus my attention back, meeting his eyes in question. "You should really focus more on those mind lessons I gave you."

There was echoes of amusement on the edge of our bond now.

Realization made my eyes widen.

That emotion I couldn't read earlier?  
It was definitely humor.

Because of __me__.

I had figured he'd felt some of my emotions earlier, but apparently he had felt all of it, and most definitely my embarrassment over the matter.

Surprisingly my emotional behavior always seemed to amuse him greatly for some reason.

Giving a grumbled curse I attached the saberstaff to my belt quickly as I jogged forward and caught up with him, ignoring my reddening ears as we walked. Conversation starting up immediately between us as we headed towards the bridge and away from the room I had so desperately wanted in only a few minutes ago, my desire to get inside completely forgotten.

The topic of our conversation?  
It was entirely focused on me of course.

-No, I wasn't pouting.

-And no, I did not see the amusement over my embarrassment like he did, so if he would kindly stop chuckling at me through our bond that would be great.

-Seriously, who did he think he was?

-My Master.

-*sigh* Right. And I was the willing Apprentice.


	10. A Discovery of Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine is determined. But what she finds leaves her reeling.

**(Sabine's POV)**

* * *

It had been a month since we asked for Commander Sato's help, since Hera told us that we were on our own looking for Ezra, and I was still frustrated by it all.

Being told that the rebellion wouldn't help us certainly didn't help my anger, but it brought with it a sense of certainty that left me with a contained fury, a purpose to focus back on.

'Course Hera said it wasn't healthy to not talk about it, to bottle everything up. But it was normal for me.  
It helped me focus on what I needed to do.  
Helped me focus on new ways to find Ezra.

I studied the Imperial reports on my computer with a frown, finding it strange that a report on the destruction of a small cargo ship was getting flagged with so much attention.  
Why was news about a small transport vessel that didn't even warrant escort ships on such a secure channel?

It certainly didn't make any sense, but...

Clicking of the keyboard could be heard as I began to isolate the reports on the ship and pulling up its cargo logs, studying them closely for anything that made it stand out for the Imperials.

This was the Empire we were talking about, so I knew what signs to look for.  
They had patterns in their secrecy.

At least, they usually did.

Though if the cargo logs were anything to go by, they certainly seemed more panicked by this 'unknown ship' that had devastated their measly cargo vessel than they would normally have the right to.  
There was nothing there to warrant such a response as they were having.  
Rations for troops and other basics, but absolutely nothing that said 'weapon' or anything else of great importance.

I lean back in my chair, thoughtful.  
Why would-?

Something popping up at the bottom of the report flagged my attention, and I quickly sat up and read it with widening eyes.

There was a holo-video attached.  
According to the last couple of lines, they were saying the ship had been boarded before being destroyed.

They boarded the ship?  
What the heck for?

This was __definitely__ sending off red flags.  
And there was __definitely__ more on that ship than the logs were saying.  
This had to have been one of those cargo ships that were smuggled things around in secret in order to avoid detection from the rebellion.

But what were they trying to hide?  
To go through such lengths only to get ambushed by an unknown vessel in transit, and then to cause such a panic over it?  
This was big.

I didn't know if it had anything to do with Ezra, but I was going to find out.

Old habits and curiosity was kicking in.

Typing away I immediately set up an automatic program to cypher through all the reports related to the incident for any key words as to what they may have been secretly transporting before clicking on the video link, eyes focused intently on the image as it showed a bland empty hallway that occasionally shook from what I presumed was the ship being hit by the other vessels attacks.

But I was more concerned about the black cloaked figure that was suddenly shown entering said hallway.

The way they appeared looked ominous enough to send slight chills down my spine.  
Not that I would ever admit to it.

I couldn't see their face though because of the hood, but something about them made me frown.  
Was it one of the inquisitors?  
The way they held themselves and walked seemed familiar... but... also completely off.  
It was full of-... __hunger.  
__ A look I've seen many of times before in those seeking revenge. Sometimes even redemption.

So then, it couldn't possibly be an inquisitor, right...? So... could it be that Maul character Kanan had warned us about...?

As my mind rushed for answers several storm troopers suddenly appeared in the hallway and blocked the way in front of the cloaked figure.

I stared with building tension as the figure just stopped, the end of the cloak swishing forward ominously as they presumably listened to the troopers shouting orders at them. But I couldn't hear any audio, which had me cursing the Empire's poor video quality.

It might've done good to __actually__ hear the voice from the cloaked person if they had responded!  
They could've been identified!  
Tsk.  
Stupid Empire.

The figure __definitely__ must've said something back though, cause the trooper in front suddenly stepped back.  
I didn't have to wait long to guess why as the cloaked figure held his arm out to his side so casually it was eerie and something flew off of one of the straps that made up their belt in a blur and into their waiting hand.  
 ** _ _ **  
**__** _ _-Fear-__

My breath caught as the all to familiar double-sided lightsaber activated, glowing eerily red in the darkened hallway.  
 _ _  
An Inquisitor!__

Why would an Inquisitor be attacking their own side though?  
A defector?  
But didn't Kanan say the Inquisitors were eliminated back on Malachor?

Then... who was this?

The troopers starting firing at the figure quickly after they had pulled out the saber, finally doing something smart for once.  
But like usual it didn't matter.  
None of them connected with the target.  
The figure easily deflected the blasts into the walls around them like all saber wielders seemed to do.

I watched with building awe a little guiltily as the figure moved fluidly, a deadly grace making them a dark blur as they started advanced suddenly through the blaster fire without even a tear in their robe.

The first trooper went down without the chance to even move.

Another went down with a slice across the chest as the figure spun with their saber seamlessly.

The last never stood a chance.

The trooper tried to turn away and run, but that was a mistake.  
As soon as the trooper put his back to the figure they became a black blur once more and seemed to rush past him before stopping in front of him, their blade coming to a rest beside them in one smooth movement.

The trooper stopped in his tracks with his gun held loosely in front of him, looking as if dazed.

I stared for a moment in building confusion, unsure of what had happened.

What did they just-...?

I jerked back and knocked my chair over as I stood and I covered my mouth in shock.

On the screen the troopers head had slid off of him without resistance, his body dropped to its knees lifelessly before falling over to join the rest of the bodies on the floor.

Whoever this person was, I now knew what kind of person they truly were. The video spoke for itself.  
They were ruthless.  
A killer without hesitance.

I was desperately hoping we didn't run into whoever this new person was while looking around for Ezra.  
It certainly wouldn't go down good.

The figure suddenly cocked their head slightly as if hearing something - _ _most likely a communication coming through an earpiece__ \- before deactivating their saber and sliding it back on their belt.  
I could see their attire a bit when they slid their cloak back doing so, and not surprisingly I saw it entirely black.  
Fitting, it seemed.

Did all the dangerous people like black or something?

With a sigh I pulled the chair back up and sat back down heavily as the figure began making their way down the hallway again.  
The video presumably about to end.

But then I saw something that made my blood run cold.

I sat there staring at the screen as the video went off for a couple seconds before I quickly reloaded the holo-vid and fast-forwarded it to the end again.

There.

Pausing the video I stared.

Before they walked off screen the figure had glanced up to the camera, like they knew they were being recorded.

But that isn't what stopped me cold.  
Part of their face was clearly visible through the shadows now.

They had yellow eyes. I could tell that as clear as day.

Sith eyes, Kanan had said once.

Sith eyes, that now resided in the face of someone I knew all to well.

"Oh no..." I put my hand to my mouth in growing horror as a tear unconsciously slid over my cheek. "...What have you done...?"

The glowing eyes of one Ezra Bridger stared back through the frozen camera as if in silent answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Ezra really go Dark? So soon? Hmm, I wonder... ;)


	11. Like Shifting Sand...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew well the thin line between Light and Dark. It didn't make it any easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is super short. Hope my intent for it still made it through though... ^.^'

**(Kanan's POV)**

* * *

Nothingness.

That was all I could feel.

The Force ebbing through my mind felt empty, barren of the signs I was searching for.  
Of Ezra.  
Sighing I rubbed the bandages over my eyes in agitation.

No matter how long I sat here locked in my darkened room meditating I never felt anything from him.  
From my Padawan.

Frustration bubbled over at just the thought.

__Why?!__  
 _ _Why__ couldn't I sense him! __Talk__ to him?!  
Our bond was just...!

The cups and plates of uneaten food deposited by my bed started rattling as I let out a feral growl of pain.  
 _ _  
Maul__...

This was his fault.  
It was __all__ his fault!  
He __took__ him from me! Took my Padawan!  
Took part of our __family__ from __all__ of us...!

The sound of glass shattering snapped me out of the painful haze, the red edges that had formed in my mind fading as my brow bunched in confusion as to why the sound of panting echoed dimly in the room.

_When did I start breathing so heavily...?_

No. It didn't matter. I couldn't let Maul get to me, I had to-... Focus.  
Focus on the Force. On finding Ezra.  
I couldn't give up, couldn't stop.  
At any moment he could call for me, I couldn't miss that.  
I _couldn't_.

With a shaky breath I relaxed, the remaining dishes stopping their trembling as I lowered my hand from my bandages and settled back into a meditative stance, the only evidence of my mental slip being the shattered cups of water and bits of food now on the floor.

But I didn't get the chance to focus back on Ezra, because a soft knock suddenly sounded at my door.

"Honey...?"

I stiffened, knowing what that gentle voice brought with it.  
The words that would be said next.

"I... I know things are bad right now, but you can't stay shut in there like this." Hera's voice was quiet, but I could still hear the strain in it. The worry. "You need to come out. Please. We're here, you can talk to us. Let your family help, Kanan."

My fists clenched at her words, but I remained where I was, not saying a word.  
I couldn't.

She deserved better.  
They all did.  
I couldn't even protect one of our own, what use was I to them?  
I failed them all.

But I was going to find Ezra and make our family whole again. I swore it.

I could feel Hera sigh through the Force at my silence.

"Kanan please... Have you at least eaten today...? Zeb says you haven't been to the kitchen yet at all. I thought you promised us you'd take care of yourself? Or was that just a lie?"  
Even though I knew she couldn't see me I hid my face in the shadows, guilt lacing through me as her hand touched the door softly. "You have to eat. If not for yourself than for Ezra. How will you be able to save him if you let yourself get weak?"

I grimaced as the smell of a bowl of soup that she was holding drifted into the room finally, even as my stomach rumbled.

But still I didn't speak.

"Kanan," The sound of her trying to open the locked door echoed through the room. "You either unlock this door so I can give you your food or I'll have Zeb break the door down and feed it to you myself."

She was in Mother mode now.  
There was no way I could just ignore her without consequences when she was like that.  
With a silent curse I stood and went to the door, grim expression in place when I hit the sensor and the door whooshed open.

I could hear Hera jumping in surprise from my quick response, clearly not expecting me to open it so quickly.

"I'm fine. Not hungry." I say in a clipped voice, not moving from my spot in front of the doorway.

She glances over my shoulder and raises her brow. "Really? So you regurgitated your food then? There seems to be lots left over." Her own voice was layered heavily with dry sarcasm.

Ah, she must've saw where I left most of the food they brought me this last week.  
I sighed.  
I was in for it now.

"Seriously, did a bantha die in here? For Force sake Kanan, you shouldn't leave food sitting around like that, It's unhealthy!" I could hear her take a quick breath as she leaned closer towards me. " Wait... Is... Is that you?! When did you last shower?!"

I set my face into a grim mask as Hera took in the stubble that had grown on it, prepared to snap something back at her in irritation when I heard Sabine rush out of her room down the hall, breathing heavily as she immediately rushed over to us.

"I-I need to show you both... something." She panted out between breaths, clearly shaken by whatever this 'something' was.

Hera turned in surprise at her sudden presence before sending her a small frown.

"Can it wait? I need to talk with Kanan right now."

I knew she was giving Sabine a look that said ' _ _not now'__ , but that didn't seem to phase Sabine as I could hear her shift and hold up the data disk she'd been holding.

"I wish it could, but..." She seemed suddenly reluctant as her voice turned grim, which pulled my full attention and frown towards her.

What she said next was a simple thing to say, really.  
Yet it filled my heart instantly with hope. And dread.

"It's about Ezra. I... I think I found him."

* * *

The hope I had carried as I made my way to the common room with the others gave way to numbing despair as I was told why everyone was staring at the paused image on the holo-vid with enough shock and horror that I felt it pulsing through the Force at me.

No...

N _ _o__.. _ _.!_  
_  
It couldn't be...!

__"__ Are you sure? Sabine, are you sure this video wasn't fabricated? Or tampered with in any way?" Hera asked with the distress that I felt.

"You mean is that Ezra?" Zeb asked grimly. "Well I don't know about you, but I'd recognize that boy anyday." He shared a look with Hera and Sabine before looking to my expression of lost sympathetically. "Face it, we all would. That's why we're looking at this video right now."

No I- It couldn't be true... what I was hearing was just...

I lowered my head to my hands as I felt Hera approach and gently squeeze my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

"It's true." Sabine says into the silence with a hardened voice, not letting the turmoil that I could sense in her slip out as well. She was trying to be strong. "That's Ezra. I watched the video seven times already just to be sure." She lowered her head. "It's... I couldn't mistake that figure for him if it wasn't. They're too similar."

"You mean, except for the killer part." Zeb says, flinching back when it earned a glare from Hera.

Chopper made a few beeps and waved his arms around at Zeb's words as well, running into Zeb's leg angrily.

"Gah!" Zeb raised his leg and pushed chopper back with it with a growl. "I know that ya bucket of bolts! Calm down before I turn ya ta' scraps!"

"Choppers right." Hera says quietly after a few moments of collective silence, keeping a firm hold on my shoulder. "It doesn't matter. What does matter is that one of our own is out there and needs our help."

I could sense her eyes light up with determination as she continued. "He's been suffering out there alone all this time. He needs us now more than ever."

I could feel the small spark of hope and determination return to Sabine through the Force as I sensed her smile at Hera's words before she looked towards me, the rest of them following suit as they waited for me to speak up on the matter as well.

But I was lost.  
Drowning in my own thoughts of despair over what Maul had done to him.  
To Ezra.

__Why?! Why was he like that, even after everything-?!_ _

I had failed him.  
My Padawan...  
He was taken from me, corrupted by the Dark... and yet...  
 _ _  
I didn't even notice! I didn't even feel-!__

Anger and resentment boiled to the surface, making my bandaged eyes burn.

N-no, I couldn't- I had to control myself, for Ezra and the others. I couldn't let my emotions get to me. At that thought I forced my emotions down with a shaky breath, the others unaware of the conflict within me as I raised my head.

It didn't matter. I had to bring him back.  
I had to... save him.

"We don't turn our back on family. No matter what." My voice was rough from not having talked much lately and grief as it carried through the room, but it held fire all the same.

"Let's go. Ezra's waiting for us."

I could feel it.  
My words showed that even I hadn't given up, which was all they needed to hear as the Force was suddenly charged with their energy around me.  
We were all determined.  
Hopeful.

I smiled softly for the first time in weeks.

We would rescue our family.  
And Maul would pay.

I'd make sure of it.


	12. Plans in Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew things were different. That didn't make it bad, though.

**(Ezra's POV)**

* * *

I relaxed further into the Force as the pieces slowly rose in front of me. Slotting themselves against each other around the kyber crystals just to drift apart as my mind attempted to guide their design, reaching for purpose.

I had spread all the spare parts Maul had given out in front of me on the bed, alongside several kyber crystals, before finally starting to meditate. It was probably too many crystals, but I wanted the safety net of having extra's just in case I messed something up. Maul had already said he wouldn't be sparing anymore from the crates we stole, so I didn't want to take any chances.

Honestly I probably wouldn't have needed them, but this wasn't like last time. I wasn't sure what I wanted to make, I just knew I needed to make something even better than before. Maybe even a saberstaff. But I couldn't be sure. I needed something that fit my current skills even further than my previous one did, with room to adapt as I grew.

Perhaps that lead to why I was starting to sweat a little as the pieces seemed as aimless as my mind in their assembly.

It was taking much more to concentrate on keeping them together this time around.

_Come on Ezra,_ I thought wearily to myself. _Just direct your intentions out into the Force, and let it do the rest. Surely it's gotta know more about all this than you._

...I kind of felt like I was insulting myself by saying that, but what could I do? It was the truth.

Gritting my teeth in concentration I pulled more of the Force around me, the air practically humming as pressure prickled across my skin. I felt a few of the pieces slot together and stay, more shifting around them in a seamless pattern before dislodging again. There! It was something at least. The Force was finally responding to something I was putting off.  
Though I couldn't be sure as to what. Not until it was done.

I just hoped it wasn't just throwing something together as aimless as my thoughts were on the matter.

I could already imagine the look on Maul's face if I had to show him a failed attempt of a lightsaber and explain why it was like that.  
I grimaced a little.  
Yeah. That wouldn't end well.

A few more started to slide together around the crystals. Albeit even slower than before.

_Come on..._ My jaw clenched as more sweat beaded.

I couldn't just stop for a break, that would cause the whole thing to drop to pieces on my bed. With no guarantee that it would even come back together again. At this rate, I was going to be here for awhile. I just hoped I could hang onto the Force for that long. I was pulling on it _way_ too strongly.

_It would be just my luck to pass out before it was done._ I thought bitterly.

With that in mind I took deeper breaths as I worked. One part clicked into another. Then another.

_Good. I could do this. Just... focus._

I wasn't sure how much time passed as I sat there in the ebb and flow of the Force, but as I felt more of them connecting as I drifted I couldn't help but feel a sliver of anticipation and relief.

It was all finally coming together.

Riveted on the feeling I didn't notice how stiff and sore my body was becoming with the sheer amount of Force it was channeling until I felt the last piece slide into place.  
With a wince I reached my hand up to rub the back of my neck as I felt everything drop to the bed, my connection to the Force feeling as tired as I was as I opened my eyes.

I was more than a little eager to see what kind of saberstaff had been made, so ignoring the feeling for now I immediately dropped my attention to what was in front of me.  
I frowned at what I saw though.

It wasn't a saberstaff at all.

It was _two_ lightsabers.

_What the-?_ I was astounded, to say the least.

Slowly I reached out and picked them up, holding them almost reverently as I looked them over. I hadn't felt the presence of two lightsabers at all while they were being built. In fact, It had felt singular. Like my first one had.  
Feeling pulled to them I stretched out my awareness to the crystals inside. My eyes widening slightly at what I felt. Their signature's humming in the Force felt exactly the same. As if they were simply two parts of the same whole. A pair, in the truest sense of the word.

_Incredible..._

I had no idea that was even possible until now. And the design... It was definitely the most eye catching I had ever seen.  
The hilt's were _curved._ And surprisingly incredibly light. Both tinted the color black, as if the crystals themselves scorched the metal around them as they had been built.  
Which did make sense in a strange way, since they did actually feel _warm_ in my hands.

I was beyond confused at this point. I didn't understand it at all.

How could the crystals burn hot on the inside? It was in sharp contrast with how cold the metal seemed to be on the outside. They felt strangely in balance with one other.

_Maybe I could ask Maul about them...?_ _Yeah... Maybe. I could do that._

I was only fractionally disturbed as a strange inkling of pride started to swell as I continued to stare at them. They were certainly unique. Albeit strange. But they were _mine_.

_I_ had made them... somehow.

I actually wanted to show them to Kanan and the others, I felt incredibly proud, but... well, that was impossible right now. The estatic feeling faded from me as I sighed. Later, then. When everything was finally over.  
Focusing back to the matter at hand and how incredibly uncomfortable I was I picked up the rest of the spare parts and got up. Wincing only slightly at the remaining stiffness as I went and deposited everything on the workbench on the side of the room.

I'd go test them out in the training room in a bit, but first... I made my way to the bathroom, looking forward to a shower.  
I was more than ready to wash off all this sweat.

Shutting the door behind me with a soft hiss I went and turned on the shower to max, letting the steam build rapidly as I quickly undressed. Ignoring the way the fresh scar on the palm of my hand was twinging in protest at the movement.

Honestly the wound itself didn't bother me much anymore.  
And the fact Maul had done it during our training? Well, that didn't bother me either. It was easy to ignore. And I was prepared for the way the heat from the water would send it tingling painfully as I stepped under the spray.

I sighed and let myself drift.

I stayed in the shower for a good 20 minutes more than I usually did. The sweat having long washed off as I let the warm spray shift through my much shorter hair and down my back in soothing rivets. It was nice. Between the intense training and the occasional mission Maul would send me on lately I didn't get the chance to take an incredibly long shower often.

Course, I didn't on the Ghost either. But that was more because of the time limit imposed in the showers than anything. I wasn't the only one wanting a warm one after all. Which made me secretly glad that Maul and I were the only ones on the ship that would actually require a shower anytime soon.

I could take my time.

But not too long though. I didn't want to turn into a shriveled prune, as amusing as Maul would surely find it.

With that in mind I reluctantly turned the water off and got out. Ignoring the glimpse of new muscle and scars in the mirror as I grabbed the towel and dried off.

Quickly I re-dressed into the spare outfit I usually kept in the bathroom, a more casual version of the outfit Maul had given me so long ago.   
  
Though the only thing I could see that would make it casual was the lack of boots. Not that I was complaining. I actually liked the feel of the clothes Maul had gotten for me. 'Casual' or not.  
Good thing I cut my hair short when I had the chance.

Curious I glanced towards my reflection for a moment. Almost not recognizing myself with the dark attire and shorter hair that barely brushed my nape.  
The cut was definitely different from my longer style. But I was glad for it. Grateful, even.

After awhile it had felt childish.  
It had been perfect for the old me, but I was different now.

_So different, in fact..._ I tensed _...Would the others even recognize me?_

Eyes darkening with emotion I turned away from my reflection.  
_Enough._ I couldn't think like that. Now wasn't the time.

I had just opened the door when a ripple of inquiry came through the bond from Maul. Then his voice.

"Since the Force has long dissipated from your room, I'm going to assume you're done." He intoned casually. "Did it go well?"

I sighed as I went back out into the main room. Perfect timing, as usual.

"Uh, yeah. I was about to go test them out in the training room, actually."

"Them?" The image of him shaking his head flashed. "No, never mind. I'll see for myself shortly. We need to talk."

"Um, we are talking." Was my bemused response as I flopped back onto my bed.

It felt marvelous on my still sore muscles.

_...Maybe I needed a quick nap before practice?_ Yeah, that sounded great actually.

"In person, Apprentice."

I groaned.   
Well, there went my nap.

"Why in person? I can hear you just fine through our bond thank you." I muttered.

I knew he would feel my resentment to the idea, as well as my body's desire to rest. Not that that would _actually_ sway him to do it at another time. Like, at all.  
His next words confirmed it.

"Simply because I said so, Apprentice. And you'd be wise to quit questioning me on matters such as this from now on."

I snorted. "I'll think about it."

I could hear the growl of annoyance through the bond at my candid behavior, but much to my surprise he didn't press the matter further as I felt him getting closer to my room.  
My brow quirked at that. Huh. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was getting used to my... lovely, personality.

_Shame._ I thought as the door opened with a soft hiss.

_And there's my cue._

"...Can we discuss this after training?" I asked out loud hopefully while sitting up, looking to his shadowed form in the doorway.

His narrowed eyes said plenty enough.

I sighed out loud this time.

"Figures..."

* * *

He had only been standing in my room for a few minutes, yet I already found myself staring at Maul in disbelief as he crossed his arms. A part of me wanted to laugh at what he had said, but I was pretty sure he wasn't joking.  
I quickly sobered up.

"Umm...You want me to do what now?"

Why would he ask such a thing of me?

_To do something like that, even after everything I had already done..._

No. It was too much. There was no way I could do something like that.

"You heard me clearly Apprentice. I will not say it again." He walked away from the foot of my bed towards the workbench where my completed lightsaber's lay. Seeming to study them before picking one up with a twinge of interest. "...Curious design. What was your inspiration?"

A little tense as I watched I shrugged and leaned back against the headboard. "I didn't really have a clear design in mind. I just wanted something that would become a part of me. An extension, of myself."

"...So it would seem."

I couldn't stop my fingers from twitching at his response as he stepped back and gave the hilt an experimental twirl, testing it's weight.

_What the heck kind of response was that?_ It felt insulting. But then again, this was Maul we were talking about. Insulting someone's efforts was just like him.  
I breathed out through my nose, forcing myself to stay calm.  
More than typical, I'd say.

"Hmm...It's light. Remarkably so." He murmured in observation. "Quite fitting for your style of fighting, I believe."

...Wait.

_Was that a compliment?_

I was taken back by it, but I really shouldn't have been. One thing I've learned since being here was that Maul could insult you in one breath then compliment you in the next like clockwork.  
Kind of made it hard to know if he was being serious or not. But I felt the sincerity through our bond.

I fought back the twinge of pride.

Surprisingly, I was relieved that he approved. More so that he even acknowledged it.  
Though a part of me was pretty sure he was just glad he didn't waste his resources on something so ridiculous it wouldn't work on the battlefield. No matter how nice it looked.

I watched as Maul placed it back beside the other one before glancing back over his shoulder, meeting my gaze evenly. "So, will you do it?"

Ah, he was still on about that. I looked away in discomfort.  
Honestly I was unsure.  
To ask such a thing of me... I didn't think I could do it.  
My training was still far from complete. I wasn't sure my emotions wouldn't intervene on such a task.

_...Could I really deceive to such an extreme?_ I didn't think so. Not one bit.

"If I didn't think you could handle it, Apprentice," He suddenly started. "I wouldn't have asked."

I felt my eyes widen slightly as I looked back. I honestly didn't know what to think. But not because he had answered my unasked question and doubts. His reading my mind didn't bother me as much anymore. But because I could actually feel it. He actually had confidence in me. In my abilities.  
But I didn't understand why. Or how, for that matter. Did he seriously think I could pull off such a feet...? Everything would be riding on it. The entire plan, hinged on my ability for deception.

It was... _exhilarating._ But also terrifying.

Something like this would've never happened before. _Had_ never happened.  
Not even my family back on the Ghost trusted me enough to handle such an important mission by myself. Trusted my abilities, even. Especially... Kanan.

Yet here Maul was. Giving me the mission. Letting me go solo. _Trusting_ me.

...I had to admit, having that kind of acknowledgement made me feel elated for some reason.

Brow furrowing I raised my hand and studied the dark red scar that stretched across my entire palm absently in thought.  
Such a thing... such a feeling towards me... It was _empowering_.

The prickling sensation that was becoming all to familiar shifted across my eyes when I finally looked back up. Meeting Mauls gaze evenly.

No. I couldn't turn away his request. I _wouldn't_ do it. I wasn't going to betray his trust in me. I... didn't want to.  
My hand tightened into a fist.

There was no turning back for me now.

"...I'll do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts so far? I'd love to know! ^_^


	13. Desperate Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were all on edge. All hoping. Yet the quite voice still whispered.

**(Kanan's POV)**

* * *

Hope.

I was desperately clinging to it at this point.

Even as my belief that Hera's contacts would finally find something was beginning to fade with each and every call that couldn't bring us any news on Ezra. Or his possible location.  
I felt like I could be doing something, __anything,__ at this point, but instead I was trusting a bunch of strangers to find him for me.

I was his Master. I should be the one out there finding him.  
 _ _  
Doing__ something.

But instead I was useless.  
Unable to even use the bond that tied us together through the Force to find him.

I was...

__"A disappointment."__ A voice that sounded eerily similar to mine sneered within my mind.

I shivered at the thought.  
But I couldn't deny it.  
I was starting to feel the same.

"Karabast!" Zeb suddenly growled behind me, pulling me from my thoughts as he shifted restlessly. "How long does it take to answer a bloody call?! We don't have time to fiddle our fingers an' play with buckets of bolts!"

Chopper warbled angrily at the last part, taking personal offense. But Zeb ignored him.  
He was clearly frustrated that we were all waiting in the common room yet again for a holo-call to connect, instead of out there searching.

I could feel Zeb's need to take action strongly through the Force, the helplessness that someone he viewed fondly as a little brother could be getting further and further away the longer he waited to act.

And I couldn't blame him.

__I know how you feel Zeb,__ I thought tiredly as I crossed my arms.

"It's not that simple." Hera sighed in response beside me, the days wearing her down lately as well. "The informants are trying their best, but without the support of the Alliance we are unable to contact those that hold higher positions within the Empire for any answers. We're lucky some of them are even willing to risk their positions right now just to help us."

I sighed. I knew Hera was telling the truth, but Sabine didn't seem to care.  
I could feel the argument coming on as the Force around Sabine shifted in anger where she was leaned against the wall.

"Or, maybe they just don't know what they're doing in the first place." Sabine said while narrowing her eyes.

Hera looked to her in surprise before frowning.

"Sabine, that's not-" She started, just to be cut off by Sabine's snort.

"Yeah, it is." Sabine crossed her arms in challenge. "Just give me a day at an Imperial facility. I'll find something for us in no time."

With a grimace I reached up and rubbed at the beginnings of a headache as Zeb shook his head with a muttered, "Not this again." and shifted back towards the door.  
Clearly having enough of the exact same argument between the girls as I was these last couple of days.

"Sabine, you know we cant let you do that. It's too dangerous." Hera shook her head as she spoke with a strained calm.

I flinched at the suddenly loud bang as Sabine slammed the side of her first into the wall beside her.

"More dangerous than leaving Ezra in the hands of a Sith?! How much longer do you think he'll last before it's too late?! You saw the video just as well as I did!"

I stilled at her words, tensing as I felt them strike home in a way that left me feeling numb and cold.

__The thought of him- of Ezra- in the hands of Maul even a second longer, I just couldn't-_ _

"Sabine!" Hera shouted disapprovingly. "That's enough!"

Sabine's eyes narrowed. "You know I'm right! Why are you so against the idea?!"

Hera turned towards her, lekku twitching angrily. "Because I cant lose you too, Sabine! I already lost one of you, I wont let it happen again!"

Sabine seemed to hesitate for a moment in surprise, expression flickering to sympathy and understanding before anger surged back into its place and she stepped forward. The need to help Ezra easily pushing aside the feelings of understanding and the urge to comfort Hera that I had sensed from her through the Force.

Usually Sabine would've dropped the matter by now, but as the days past she was becoming more on edge, just as the rest of us.

At this rate I would have to step in.  
I could feel the shift as Sabine opened her mouth and started to say more, the feeling of the wrongness coming from them fighting in a time like this finally pushing me to act.

I instantly tensed.

" _ _Enough__!"

Everyone flinched back in surprise at my forceful command. Surprised that I had spoken willingly, much less raised my voice.

I looked between them with a stern frown, sensing that I held everyone's attention as I crossed my arms for emphasis.

"Stop fighting amongst yourselves." I said sternly. "It's not helping anyone at this point. Much less Ezra."

I rubbed the bandage over my eyes as I started to feel drained. But I wasn't done yet. I focused in the direction I knew Sabine to be in.

"Sabine, this is only the fifth contact we've managed to get ahold of without using the rebels codes, so stop blaming it all on Hera. We may hear news of him yet."

__We had to.__ I silently hoped. Begged, of the Force.

Yet Sabine stubbornly held onto her anger as she all but snarled, crossing her arms angrily. "Well standing here waiting is a waste of my time. I could do better myself at this point."

__Sabine..._ _

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes even though I knew no one could see them behind the bandages.

__Why did I think words would finally diffuse the anger that had been building in her for weeks now?_ _

I knew it wasn't like Sabine to just let things go like that. Especially when it came to someone she cared about.  
Loyalty was one of her strong suits. Along with determination.

Before I could say anything further to try and calm her the sound of the holo-terminal suddenly connecting went through the room, gaining everyones attention.

I looked back towards it to see who it was out of habit, forgetting I could no longer actually __see__ who it was. I grimaced at the unconscious action as Hera stepped closer to me.

"It's good to hear back from you Falcor." She greeted. "Have you found anything yet?"

There was a few moments of tense silence between everyone as we waited before a distorted voice finally came over the line.

"...I have not."

Zeb growled his displeasure as Sabine leaned back against the wall with a mumbled "Figures..." directed towards a frowning Hera.  
Obviously still looking to vent on someone.

Without a word I looked to the side to hide my own frown from the others, not wanting them to see that even I was losing hope that Hera's contacts would find anything that would help at this point.

__Would we even find Ezra before it was too late?_ _

I started to doubt.

__...Maybe it would be best to focus all our time back on our own investigation instead._ _

__"And look where that got you..."__ That same voice that sounded distinctly like my own sneered. ___  
_  
I shuddered at the thought, hating myself for even thinking it.  
Hating that it was right.

"Oh... I see." Hera finally spoke up into the silence, sounding as disappointed as I felt. "Thank you for trying, at least. It must've been difficult for you to search above your clearance like that."

"Yes..." The voice hesitated. "...Actually, I may have found someone that can help you in your search more than I. But it could be dangerous to talk to them. I'm not entirely sure of their loyalty."

Hera made a sound in surprise as Zeb and Sabine shifted, even Chopper letting out a couple of excited warbles and beeps at the contacts words as a different kind of stillness filled the room. Anticipation as we dared to hope seeping in.

"That... Are you sure?" Hera wanted confirmation.

Or as much as she could get anyway.

"...Yes." The distorted voice still sounded uneasy. "But I ask that you keep in mind of what could happen if you seek this person out. You must be certain that you are willing to accept the risks. This course of action isn't without it's danger."

No one spoke for the longest, each caught up in their own thoughts of finding Ezra as soon as possible with the help of this person the contact spoke of.

At this point the room was filling with so much desperate hope it would've been nearly suffocating if my heart wasn't swelling with it as well.  
I could feel what everyone had already decided even before the Informant had tried to warn us. And I knew I was speaking for everyone as I spoke up into the silence.

"It doesn't matter." My voice was suddenly rough with barely contained emotion. "Give us what you got. We'll take our chances."

With agreements being spoken around the room and chopper's enthusiastic beeps in between, Falcor reluctantly told us how to find the person who might be able to help us find Ezra, and soon we were on our way to an asteroid in the Outer-Rim.

__Hope.__ I thought.

Perhaps it was not lost.


	14. Pheonix Found

**(Sabine's POV)**

* * *

The first thing I saw when we jumped out of hyperspace was the huge asteroid. Then all the highly suspicious ships that were going in and out of it. Many I recognized personally as slaver and mercenary vessels.  
I frowned as Zeb and Hera looked on grimly as well, the determination to safe Ezra keeping us going.

This was not a safe place to come to by far.  
But if the person Hera's contact pointed us to could help find Ezra, then... whatever happened was worth it.

Yet even so... was that person truly on this lawless pirate base?

I had my doubts.

"...Are we sure this is the right place?" I frowned at the approaching asteroid.

"Unfortunately..." Hera muttered, flipping switches along the dashboard as we approached the asteroid with several other ships ahead of us. Zeb crossing his arms and rubbing his jaw gruffly as his ears flicked in unease.

"Think they'll let us in?" He asks.

"Doubt they really care who enters Zeb." I mutter with a shrug, helmet shifting under the bend of my arm. "They're not the official type."

"Everything off the book." Hera agreed grimly.

"Figures..." Zeb mumbles, just as the door to the cockpit whooshed open behind us.

I glance back as Kanan stepped in, his body noticeably tense with unease as he nodded in passing and went to stand behind Hera.  
I couldn't help but frown as I shifted closer to the door, giving him more room as a painfully hollow feeling went through my chest.

I felt bad about how I had acted the day before.  
He already had so much on his mind, just like the rest of us, and yet... I had let my anger get the best of me.

I wanted to apologize, but I knew it would have to wait until we got back. We had to focus on the mission first.  
We couldn't afford to be distracted going into a place like this. It was just asking for trouble.

Zeb suddenly elbowed me, pulling me from my despairing thoughts as I looked to him, rubbing my arm with a frown in question.

He nodded to Kanan, pulling my attention to him as he had apparently been saying something important to Hera. I internally winced.

Distractions. Right.

_Guess focusing would be harder than I thought..._

Kanan sighed and shifted to glance back at where we stood behind him, crossing his taunt arms.

"Remember, this place is lawless. There's no one to help you if something goes wrong, so be careful out there and stay together."

Hanging onto every word this time I nodded alongside Zeb. Understanding all too well the dangers that could come from such a place.  
The Slavers in particular.

"Do we have any idea where to search?" I ask.

"No, but Hera suspects the market place would be as good of a place as any to start." He says.

Zeb gives a partial shrug. "...Could be worse."

Weary I started checking my blasters as Hera steered into the long chasm lined with docking bays that went through the asteroid. My unease double as she brought us in for a landing in one of the free hangers.

If it wasn't for Ezra, we would've never came to a place like this. But we would do anything to get him back at this point.

With a serious look Zeb turned and made his way to the loading bay first alongside Chopper, leaving me to catch up once I exchanged a small smile with Hera and secured my helmet in place.

I knew things were going to be tough.

Especially with Hera and Kanan having to stay with the ship to keep it from being stolen or vandalized in any way while we went in to search.  
So taking a detour to my room one last time I picked up a few extra bombs, the weight on my belt reassuring as I made my way back to the loading bay just as the ramp finished lowering.

I grimaced a little in sympathy under the helmet as Zeb seemed to curl his nose from whatever smell had suddenly assaulted it as the stale air rushed in, His ears flattening against his head as he took an instinctual step back.

"Wish I had an extra helmet to give you." I say in apology as I come up behind him. "I can only imagine what this place smells like."

I tapped where my helmets respirators were hidden for emphasis.

Glancing back he shook his head before starting forward, stepping off the ramp.

"Thanks kid. But word of advice?" His expression almost seemed pained. "Don't take that helmet off."

Smiling a little behind the visor I followed after Zeb as he began to make his way out of the hanger, Chopper giving a beep and whirl as he followed shortly after.

I didn't know what we'd face on the other side.

But I had a feeling that aside from horrendous smells, today was gonna be a long day.

* * *

"See anything yet?"

Kanan's voice crackled slightly as it came across the earpiece.

"Oh, I've seen plenty." I muttered in disgust as I sidestepped yet another strange pile of sludge on the ground. "Calling this place filthy would be an insult to the slums."

I could hear Kanan sigh faintly across the line. "...Alright. Just let me know when you do find something. And be carful."

"Of course. Spectre 5 out."

I tapped the comm off. I knew Kanan was just as eager as the rest of us to find this person, but after 2 hours of searching even he was starting to doubt they were still here as the contact had claimed.

Suddenly there was a zap and pained screams accompanied by broken sounds up ahead. We were getting into the Slaver part of the market.  
I glanced at Zeb hesitantly to make sure he was okay.  
His lips were pressed in a grim line as he focused entirely on the path and the people in front of him.

With a frown I looked away.

_This must be hard on him after what the Empire did to his people._

Honestly I wished there was something I could do to distract him from it, but the pain he carried ran deep, and I didn't have the confidence that I could say or do anything without making it worse.  
So just like him I focused on the task at hand. Letting the silence between us be filled with the chatter and noises all around us.

It was only after we walked past several of the slaver stalls a prickling sensation went down my spine.

We were being followed.

Casually, I let my hand rest on my blaster as I slowed to a stop and acted like I was looking at what was for sale at a passing stall along with the bigger crowd that had formed around it. Glad my visor hid my expression as I feigned interest with the other potential buyers as a man gestured to the small cage beside him that held a young tagruta girl, shivering with wide eyes.

I blended into the group of bodies easily as Zeb and Chopper kept going, thankfully unaware of my detour as I waited.  
Within moments I felt the same sensation slither by as a group of guys passed behind me.

My hand tightened on my blaster as I glanced at their retreating backs.

It was the same group of guys we had passed earlier in the day that tried selling us de-activated - _and_ _most likely stolen_ \- droids and some droid parts.

_...Were they going after Chopper?_

Considering where we were, I didnt doubt it.  
Stealing from each other was probably bussiness as usual around here.

Stepping back out into the passing crowd easily I followed them as I activitated the comm in my ear.

"Spectre 4, you're being followed." I said calmly, knowing he heard me when I saw his shoulders tensed slightly in response. "It's those guys from the droid stall." I continue. "I think they're going to make a grab for Chopper."

I heard Chopper give a few weary whirls and beeps over the com as he and Zeb continued down the road.  
They knew better than to turn around and look. Years of working together left them to trust that I had their backs.

"Do you see an alley or anything nearby? We need to lure them in." I say.

Zeb chuckled dryly. "Like the old days eh? Yeah, I see something coming up. I'll take a detour."

Seeing Zeb turn out of view the group followed eagerly, seeing their chance.  
And I saw mine.  
Lightly jogging forward I stopped and pressed against the wall of the nearby building and peered around the corner.

Zeb had lead them into a small access area that looked to be a dead end, and was now facing them with his weapon ready.

The group looked pleased with themselves, if their sneers and grins were anything to go by. And with Zeb glaring at them, I'm sure it only re-enforced the image of an easy job in their minds.

"Today's your unlucky day, pal." One of them sneered.

I rolled my eyes as I straightened back up.

_More like yours, buddy._

Quietly I pulled my blaster out with one hand. Grabbing one of my specialty grenades from my belt with the other and activating it.

_They won't even know what hit them._

With a grin of my own I spun out from behind the wall as I crouched, rolling the grenade right under their feet.

Drew by the sound of clinking metal they looked down and frowned.

"Wha-?"

With a bang everything went white.

* * *

" This is Spectre 2. Is everything alright? You didn't check in as scheduled."

Zeb was the one to answer as Hera's worried voice came over the comm.

"Eh, this is Spectre 4. Ran into a little trouble with a couple of bot junkies, but we're alright." I could feel him glance towards me as I toed one of the now brightly colored badies to make sure they were unconscious. "Spectre 5's bomb made quick work of 'em."

"...Copy that Spectre 4. Go ahead and continue with the mission for now, but return to the ship at 0800."

"Roger that." He says gruffly, ending the call as I looked over to him.

"So, what now? Should we check inside some of the buildings, see if we see the guy?" I ask.

He rubbed his jaw with a sigh. "Might as well. We only have a couple hours left before Hera wants us to call it a day."

"Alright then, lets get going."

Making a few beeps Chopper lead the way as we headed back towards the main road. Our activities from before drawing the eyes of many who stopped to stare.

Aware of the looks we drew I kept my hand on my blaster as we merged back into the crowds on the main road once more; People glancing towards us before they would glance to the now unconscious people we had left behind on the ground. It wasn't long before a few in the crowd started brushing past us towards them.  
Seeing easy targets, no doubt.

I ignored them.

But Zeb glanced back with a frown as the crowd only increased in size around them. "...Uh, Shouldn't we have put 'em somewhere safe?"

I glanced to him with a raised brow out of habit, though he couldn't see it.

"Around here?" Dismissive I shook my head. "Best to leave them. We don't have time for any distractions." From Ezra was left unsaid, but I knew he heard it anyway as his expression turned grim once more and he focused forward.

Zeb knew what was at stake, just like the rest of us. And sometimes, we were forced to choose.

As we made our way back into the market we past several more slaver stalls as we continued the way we had previously been heading, and my mind flashed to the little Tagruta girl from before. Without conscious thought I made a promise to myself that if I could find a way after this, I'd go back and free her.

I knew we weren't here for the slaves, but the urge to do something to save the girl left me tensed.

"...Zeb, I'm-" I started, but he threw his hand out in front of me, bringing me to a stop. I glance to him. "Zeb?"

He nodded to a pub ahead of us. "Let's stop in there for a minute. I need a drink."

"You... Drink?" I stare at him incredulously, what I was about to say momentarily forgotten.

"Nope." He said nonchalantly as he and Chopper started forward. "Just don't tell Hera I took you to a pub. I'd never hear the end of it."

I stood there flabbergasted for a few moments before I remembered how dangerous it was to look distracted around here as people started looking to me and whispering.  
Gritting my teeth I started after the boys, hand still gripping my blaster.

A silent reminder to those watching that I was still a Mandalorian as we entered the dimly lit Pub.

* * *

" _Ah_!"

I jumped a little in the barstool as Zeb slammed the large empty mug down on the bar.

"Now that's a mean drink." He muttered gruffly as he looked to the froth at the bottom.

As if on cue, the bartender came back over with another, taking the empty mug and replacing it without a word.

I frowned at Zeb from under my helmet as he picked up the fresh one and took another swing, seemingly oblivious to Chopper and me being by his side.  
This was his forth one already.  
If he didn't get focused back on the mission soon, I would have to tell Hera and Kanan about it.

Some sloshed over the rim as he suddenly shoved it towards me. "Here, this'll put some hair on your chest."

I grimaced a little in disgust at what I was sure had to be a foul smelling drink. And partly from the slight slur in Zeb's words. "Um, no thanks. Hair on my chest is the last thing I want."

He shrugged and pulled it back. "Suit yourself."

With a sigh I sunk against the back of the stool and pulled my helmet off, resigning myself to the fact we were probably going to be here for awhile.  
I immediately grimaced at the smell.

_Ugh, Zeb was right. I should just keep the helmet on._

I started to raise it back up but paused. Looking to Zeb with a small frown I straightened, lowering it back to my lap.

"Hey... When did you start drinking?" He put his mug down and looked to me as I continued hesitantly. "I've never seen you drink before on the Ghost. Or during any other mission, really."

With a grimace he looked back to his drink. "It was a long time ago kid. Right after the Empire attacked my people, to be exact." He rubbed the fur on the side of his face roughly as he continued. "Truth is, I was going from bar to bar after what happened to my people. That's when Kanan found me. He helped me get my purpose back."

He smiled sadly. "I quit drinking after that. But, well... things haven't been the best of late. I just needed something to take the edge off."

Brow furrowed I looked down and stared at my reflection on the visor of my helmet. I didn't know any of this.  
They told me about his people, and Zeb even told me about his own life growing up on his home planet.  
But they never told me about his drinking.

Why didn't they? It was a part of Zeb's darker past, a past I already knew about.

_...Or so I thought._

Maybe they didn't want me to know of his binge drinking days where he was just a shadow of himself. But weren't we a family?  
Wasn't there supposed to be no secrets between us?

...I thought we knew everything about each other.  
But I was starting to think I was the only one left in the dark.

_If they hid something like this... then what else could they be hiding from me...?_

I didn't like that train of thought. Not at all. _  
_

"...Hey."

Zeb's quiet almost pleading voice almost went unnoticed in the emotional rollercoaster that was my mind at the moment. But somehow it got through. Blinking I slowly schooled my face into one of indifference before looking to him.  
Like what he just said didn't bother me as much as it did.

But he knew me well, and his ears flicked back as he grimaced in shame at the look of betrayal I held in my eyes.

"Look I'm... Sorry you had to find out this way." With a sigh and a tired expression he pushed his still half-full mug away. "I never intended to slip back into old habits."

_He didn't mean-?_ My grip on my helmet tightened.

"Then why-" I started.

Pheonix.

I stopped talking as my eyes widened.

The man a few stools down the bar wore a Pheonix pin.

The very pin described to us by the contact that the one we were looking for would be wearing.

Slowly I raised my helmet, putting it back on. "Hey Zeb?"

"Uh, yeah?" He gave me a weird look for my sudden change of behavior.

"Take a look at the guy three stools down." I say calmly as I nodded behind him.

His face twisted in confusion further, but he did as I said and turned around. "Uh, okay... What am I-"

The pin on the mans chest caught the dim lighting around us again as he reached forward for another drink. I could see Zeb's eyes widen as he saw it.  
The man's description fit perfectly with what we were given. Right down to the pin.

I looked down to Chopper as I stood.

"Tell the others Chop'. We found our informant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the liberty of creativity with Zeb's past, hope ya'll don't mind. It just shoved itself into my story like that.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had a feeling this wasn't going to be easy, but this was just ridiculous.

I had been shocked at first. Dumbfounded really. It wasn't everyday one met an actual surviving clone after all.  
But it soon turned to spite and irritation when I confronted him.

The clone slowly blinked at us.

"...Huh?"

I crossed my arms where I stood beside the older man, Zeb sitting in the stool on the other side flanking him, as annoyance arched through me. This was the third time he had me repeat myself. Like he couldn't quite believe what I was saying.

"Our contact said you could help us." I say slowly with irritation. Taking the man at face value as a drunken idiot. "Our friend- Ezra, was kidnapped."

"...And you want me to find him for you." He said just as slowly in return. His gruff voice matter-of-fact.

I refrained from rolling my eyes since he wouldn't be able to see it anyway. "Or, you could just tell us what you know, and we'll be on our way."

"...Yeah." He faced forward and took another swing of his drink. "Thought that's what you said."

I stared at him for a few more moments of silence as I waited for him to say something _-anything-_ to exaggerate, but he didn't.

"...Well?" Impatience was obvious in my tone.

He chuckled dryly.

"Well, what? I think you got the wrong guy kid. I'm a pirate. A lowlife doing shady things for money." He grimaced as he took another swing. "Not whatever the hell you think I am."

...Was he being serious right now? Our contact had pointed him out specifically, describing him down to a T, and yet he was still trying to make us believe it was a simple case of mistaken identity?

_Yeah, right. Like that was ever going to happen._

For Ezra's sake, we weren't leaving until the man said something beneficial. Not constant denial.

_But, if it was the truth, then... No._ I shook my head. _I wouldn't believe that. I couldn't. Not yet._

I looked to Zeb as he narrowed his eyes at the mans words. Knowing we shared the same expression even under my visor as Chopper made angry sounds at the clone; zapping the air in front of himself threateningly.  
Threats the man seemingly ignored.

Seeing we were all in agreement I looked back to the older man.

"So you're saying we somehow confused you with some other guy that looks like a Clone." I say dryly.

It was obvious we didn't believe him. And he could see that.

With a sigh he looked to me as he leaned back in his chair. "This may surprise you sweetheart, but there's still a lot of old Clones mucking about. You got the wrong guy. Honest mistake."

_Honest mistake my foot..._

My eyes narrowed. "Yeah? So you wouldn't mind giving us your name, then. Just so we can be sure."

"Oh for the love of-" He growled as he gruffly rubbed his face in growing frustration.

"I went by Kix back in the day." He sent me a particularly scathing look. "And I was a medic. A _medic,_ kid. My skill set wouldn't have been able to help you find this lost boy then, and it certainly won't now."

With a grumble he turned back around and grabbed his drink, chugging the rest of it down in one go. Ignoring us he waved at the bartender for another. He quickly nursed the new mug that was placed in front of him as the empty one was taken away.

I frowned in thought as he did this.

_Kix? Didn't Kanan say something about a trooper named Kix once?_

I needed to be sure.  
Zeb nodded gruffly in understanding as I made the signal for him to keep an eye on the man before I turned and walked a short distance away, clicking on the comm.

"Ghost this is Spectre 5, is Spectre 1 with you?" I kept my voice low as to not draw prying ears.

"Of course, he's right here." There was a shifting sound before Kanan's voice came on. "Is everything alright?"

"Uh yeah, everything's fine. Its just..." I edged further away, unsure as to why I felt unease about the man overhearing. Though I didn't think it would be possible with Zeb talking to the man, but still... "Look, the guy, _our_ guy, is a Clone. I even asked his name, and he says he used to go by Kix. Didn't you say you used to know a clone by that name once?"

There was a moment of surprised silence.

"A Clone? I-" He paused. "...Kix? Are you sure?"

"As sure as the guy telling me his name a few minutes ago." I say, feeling a little tired by it all. "I take it you know him?"

"...Knew. I knew him, yeah."

I nodded to myself. Thought so.

"Then is there anything you can tell me about the guy that might help?" I ask. "He isn't being very forthcoming with his information."

Kanan sighed across the line.

"I'll tell you what I know. But I'm afraid I don't know much. I only met him on a couple of occasions with my Master." There was a pause. "He... was a medic in the 501st legion. And a good one at that. I remember that he saved a lot of lives during the war. Even helped take down a rogue Jedi General that betrayed the Order and the Republic."

I frowned at how quickly he had recentered himself after mentioning his Master.  
I didn't know that much about the Jedi or their ways, but I did know they weren't keen on developing emotional connections with others. It was frowned upon. But to still hesitate when talking about his Master like that after all this time...?

_In his own way, he must have loved her..._ I thought sadly as Kanan continued.

"At the time, he cared deeply for his fellow solders and those under his care. He was determined to help others. But now... I'm not so sure."

I glanced back to the old clone at Kanan's words, and frowned at what I saw. The lines in his face were deep and drawn with a tiredness I hadn't seen earlier.  
The face of a weary solder who had seen much. _Done_ much. And wanted rest.

"Yeah..." I mummer. Seeing what he meant.

If I wanted to convince Kix to help us, I was going to have to appeal to the side of him that he had carried during the war.  
The side of him that may not even exist anymore.

I mentally sighed. _This wasn't going to be easy._

"Alright, thanks, I'll see what I can do. Spectre 5 out."

With that I ended the call without needing a reply and briskly made my way back over, determined to get Kix to help.

Even if I had to by force.

Whatever happened now, it would all be for Ezra.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard talk was to be had. He just hoped it ended on a good note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short again, but I hope I did Kanan and Kix justice lol. This was a hard conversation to write. ^.^'

**(Kanan's POV)**

* * *

"...What?"

Surely I had heard wrong.

_...I was hoping I had._

"He said he won't help." Sabine said with frustration. "And that he doesn't know anything, so whoever told us about him gave us the wrong information. I even tried bringing up his past, but I didn't get far before he clamped up even more and refused to say anything else."

It felt like the floor itself was breaking underneath me as I sat heavily into the pilot seat Hera had vacated only moments before, not trusting myself to stand.

I couldn't suppress the feelings that I had failed him.

Yet again, our only lead to Ezra was slipping through our fingers like water. No one seemed to be able to help us find him. And even now I was unable to do so myself. The bond between Ezra and I still felt as vast as a void, nothing slipping through no matter how hard I tried.  
No matter how many hours I spent meditating.  
 _  
"You're a failure."_ Sneered through my mind in the voice so much like my own.

_No, I couldn't lose hope, not now, not when we were so close..._

He had to know something. This couldn't be the end. Not now. Not after- I gripped my hands into fists on my knees.  
No. He knew something. And I was going to find out what.

I was going to find Ezra.

"...Let me talk to him."

I wouldn't take no for an answer.

"...You sure?" Sabine asked hesitantly. "Me and Zeb could always rough him up a little, see if that jogs his memory some."

I frowned at the edge of eagerness that I picked up in Sabine's voice.  
I had no doubt she would've done exactly that anyway, if I hadn't asked to speak with him first.  
Losing Ezra was taking its toll on all of us. In some ways more than others.

But I didn't want her to corrupt herself like that. Even if she was okay with it. _Willing,_ even.

_...Would he be disappointed to learn just how far we were willing to go for him? Or thankful?_

A part of me didn't want to know.  
Or maybe I already did. And the thought of the look he would surely give me left me pained.

I focused back on the conversation at hand.

"...Yeah. Just..." I sigh. "Give him the comm."

I could feel her hesitate again before reluctantly handing it over. Shuffling noises could be heard over the line, then a gruff sigh.

"Look," A deep man's voice started before I could say anything, sounding tired. "I already told your friends I couldn't help. Finding one missing child in a galaxy of thousands that go missing every day isn't my specialty. I'm a _pirate_ for hell's sake. So I'd appreciate it if you guys would just leave me alone."

I took a steadying breath at his words, steeling myself for the task of convincing him to help us. From the sounds of it, it wouldn't be easy. But I had to try. For Ezra, more than anyone.

"...You used to." I finally say in response.

There was a pause.

"...Excuse me?" His tone held an edge to it now.

"You're a Clone." I say with more calm than I felt as I clasped my hands together in front of me. "You used to fight for the Republic, side by side with the Jedi, for those without hope, and protect them. Helping the lost was something you did every day."

The memories of my younger self surged. Of my Master smiling down at me warmly while clones laughed. Of helping civilians together.  
Then her look of terror as the clones we used to call friends shot her down. Her hand outstretched towards me as she fell. The sound of her screaming for me to run echoing.

My hands clenched together painfully. Dimly I realized my nails were digging in, making crescent moon shapes on my skin as I focused entirely on the sound of his glass clunking back onto the bar.

"The Republic... Heh." He chuckled, but there was an undertone of pain. Something I understood all to well. "Times have changed kid. And so have I. If you want me to fulfill some crazy fantasy of yours where the Clone Troopers are still the heroes of old, you're just going to be disappointed."

I tried to suppress the surge of anger that went through me at his quick dismissal, but it seeped into my voice non the less. "Do you have no respect for the memories, the dreams, you and your brothers once held and strived for?"

There was a pause. "...Dreams are just that kid. Dreams. Maybe you should reach for something more achievable and move on. Be grateful for what you still have."

Slowly my hands unfurled as I lowered my head, casting my expression into shadow.

_He wanted me to give up on finding Ezra..? When it was my fault it happened in the first place?_

I couldn't even bring myself to laugh at how ridiculous that was.

"...You want me to give up and move on? To be like you, when my Master was gunned down by your brothers?"

A choking cough came across the line, his sudden shock at my words palpable through the Force even from here.

"You- _**cough**_ You're a-" He wheezed in disbelief.

I sighed as he struggled to get the word out. Knowing were he was heading anyway. "No. I'm not. I never took the Trails before the Order fell."

Though I was something.  
A protector, and a Master in my own right. The fight with the Grand Inquisitor during my visions in the Temple had shown me that readily enough. And in a way, I had felt that _was_ my Trails.

Not that I was about to tell him that. I still wasn't sure where his loyalties were.

There was silence as Kix took in what I just said, the sadness at the mention of the Order had edged through my voice despite my best attempts.

"...Then the kid you're looking for, he's..."

"My Padawan." I relinquish.

"Your-?" I could hear the frown in his voice. "But you never finished your Trails, how could you take on a Padawan of your own? I thought that was against the Jedi code or something."

The smile that twisted across my lips felt pained. "As you said, times have changed."

Again, there was silence.

"...Look, I'm..." He sounded uneasy as he shifted again. "I'm sorry about the kid, truly, I am. But that doesn't mean I can help you. I'm not-"

"Then why did our contact single you out?" I interrupt. "Please, you have to know something, or someone, who can help us."

_Otherwise we came here for nothing._ I left unsaid.

As the moments stretched on I waited tense for him to say something. A part of me fearing that he had handed the comm back to Sabine before the quiet breathing coming over the line told me otherwise.

_Please..._ I thought desperately into the Force, hoping to somehow sway him into responding, to tell me what he knew, no matter how little.  
 _For Ezra, please, we have too-_ My hands started to hurt as I squeezed them again, even harder, in the silence.  
I waited several moments longer before he finally sighed.

"...Alright."

My hands trembled as I unclasped them. Relieved. I had done it. Somehow, I had done it... He was going to help.  
Rescuing Ezra felt closer than ever.

"...Thank you." I say quietly, meaning it.

"Don't go thanking me yet." Was his gruff response. I heard the chair scrapping back as he stood. "As I said, personally, I don't know anything to be of help to you. But I know someone who might. She's in hiding, but if you're willing to give me a ride, I can take you to her."

"...You want to come with us?"

He snorted. "No, _you_ want me to come with you. She doesn't trust just anyone. If you go without me she'll be gone before you even get to her."

I frowned. I didn't really want to bring someone who's allegiances I was still unsure of to an already questionable place, taking his word on this woman's location would've been risky enough as is. But if it was the only way...  
I had to take the chance. For Ezra.

"I... understand. You're welcome to join us. Tell the others to bring you to the Ghost, we'll be ready to depart when you get here."

"The sooner the better." He agreed grimly.

With that we ended the call and I stood, making my way out of the cockpit feeling heavy and somewhat giddy at the same time.  
This was it. The lead we had been looking for. And it was finally here.  
Without conscious thought I made my way towards the common room where I could sense Hera. Glowing brightly in the Force as she mixed herself another cup of cinnamon Java milk to calm her nerves.

She looked up as I entered.

"Kanan," She smiled as I made my way over to her. "How'd it go? I was just about to come offer you some-"

She made a sound of surprise as I pulled her into a hug.

"...Kanan? Is everything alright?" She sounded worried, but she tentively returned the hug anyway.

I sighed tiredly into her shoulder. "...Yeah. For once, I think it will be."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of it all, she knew a special cup of Java milk was sorely needed.

**(Sabine's POV)**

* * *

I knew my insistent staring had to be getting on his nerves as we made our way back to the Ghost, but I couldn't help it.  
The need to _know_ how Kanan had convinced the man to help after such a short conversation when I repeatedly failed was almost overwhelming.

My fingers twitched Idly on one of my blasters.  
That finally drew his annoyed gaze my way.

"What?" He growled.

"...How'd he do it?"

He frowned in question.

"How did he convince you? You weren't talking for long." I pointed out. I could see Zeb's ear twitch back towards us from his position up ahead, clearly curious as well but better at hiding it.

A few moments of silence passed before he finally responded.

"That's what's bothering you?" He shook his head with a sigh, focusing forward. "What he said- He reminded me of someone. Someone I made a promise to long ago."

I frowned at his gruff answer, though it was hidden. Feeling there was more to it. "And?"

"...I thought it was about time I finally live up to it." He muttered quietly. An old pain clear in his voice.

I winced behind my visor. Ah. So that's why.

Now I felt a little bad for asking, but not enough to apologize. I didn't know him well enough to feel _that_ bad about it.  
So I settled for not responding instead, dropping the matter entirely as I focused back on our surroundings.

But my eyes instantly widened at the sudden familiarity.

_This was where-_

I quickly glanced to my left into the stall the young Togruta girl had been in earlier as we passed.  
A twinge of guilt arched through at the sight of her empty cage.

Someone had bought her already. I couldn't help her now.

My hand tightened on my blaster as I stared intently at the road before us, extra mindful of those passing by in case I saw her among the crowd. Still wanting to help. Still hopeful.  
But I didn't see her. Not even once.

All too soon we arrived back at the Ghost.

Hera and Kanan stood in the bay waiting for us. I relaxed at the sight until Hera gestured for us to wait, leaving Kix to pass us without question at Kanan's nod. He followed him up the ladder and out of sight.

I couldn't help but tense. I had a feeling I knew what this was about, but I wasn't about to speak up first and acknowledge the matter. So I waited for Hera to speak up and break the silence. I used the chance to take my helmet off as I heard Chopper shut the bay door behind us. Grimacing only a little at the remaining smell as Hera glanced between Zeb and I with a frown.

"Why were you two in a pub?" She finally asked.

Zeb rubbed a little roughly at his head with a weary chuckle.

"Eh, we were just-"

"-Following him. We saw him go into the pub so we decided to check him out." I easily interjected. Ignoring the grateful look Zeb sent my way as I kept my face neutral in front of Hera.

I didn't know why I felt the need to cover for him, but I did. I had the feeling she wouldn't have been too happy, and the last thing we needed was the distraction arguing would surely bring. Especially with the possibility of rescuing Ezra so close.

She looked a little skeptical, but seemed to drop the matter as she slowly nodded.

"Alright. Why don't you two go ahead and take a shower for now. Kanan and I will keep our guest company."

Nodding my thanks I headed up first as Zeb stayed back and started talking to Hera. Eager to shower and wash the grime that felt caked on my face.  
I could only imagine what it was like for Zeb. But I figured he would be needing to take a much longer shower than I did, so I wanted to make mine quick.

After I entered the shower it didn't take long before we were taking off and leaving the lawless asteroid behind. And after thirty long minutes in the warm spray of the shower I was ready to turn in for the night.  
I was exhausted. More than I wanted to admit. But now that we finally had a lead on Ezra, had _hope_ , I felt like I might finally be able to get some decent sleep.

... _Might_ being the word.

I sighed. Mentally, I still felt like bantha fodder.

Needing the pick me up I quickly dressed and made my way to the common room and started opening cabinets. Pulling down the containers filled with the ingredients I needed to make my special cup of Java milk as I started warming a small cup in the microwave.

I was grateful to have the recipe from Hera. It was designed for special occasions just like this.

I removed the cup as soon as it beeped and started mixing a teaspoon of each into the fresh cup. A small smile pulling the corners of my mouth as the smells wafted up to my nose.  
Just going through the motions brought back good memories. Easing some of the tension from my shoulders.

Honestly, it was a nice change from the constant state of tension I had been in lately.

On auto-pilot I put the containers back in the cabinets before cupping the lightly steaming mug in my hands and blowing on it. Starting back to my room with tired eyes.  
If I was lucky, it would relax me enough that I could get some sleep before we arrived in Garel.

I was hopeful, anyway.


	18. A New Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes... Nightmares are real.

**Kanan's POV**

* * *

Long ago, my Master once told me something very important. A lesson. That the things we wanted most would always be out of reach, most hidden in plain sight, until we were finally ready for them.  
It was the way the Force prepared us for all the inevitable things heading our way. Like a sorrowful parent only wishing to guide its rebellious young.

I never understood it.

More than anything it had left me confused, and I began to question things. My Master had only smiled at my doubtful approach though, saying I would understand it in time. But I never did.  
And as we approached Garel I felt that I never would.  
_  
All this time, and the answers to possibly finding Ezra had been here?_

I found myself struggling to stay calm. It was beyond frustrating. It left a hole of darkened emotions eating away in my chest.

I looked away from the the hopeful faces of those in front of me shining through the Force. The gratefulness they felt towards the clone in that moment leaving me bitter for some reason. But I couldn't blame him. If anything, I was grateful as well. But we shouldn't have even needed him in the first place.  
As a Master I had failed. Left myself blinded in more ways than one to my own Padawan for too long. And now... we were all being forced to pay for my failures.

The image of Ezra with Sith eyes flashed before me, the glow more prominent than ever behind the darkness of my bandages. Beckoning. _Laughing_.

Taunt I straightened from my position leaning against the doorframe, turning away from the others as I left the cockpit. Leaving them to talk amongst themselves and watch our approach to Garel as I headed for my room.  
There was something I needed to retrieve before we arrived. Something I hadn't touched since the events of Malachor.

As the door hissed open quietly I instinctively went towards my bed and knelt by the hidden compartment. Slowly, I opened it to what laid within.

The familiar shape of my lightsaber called almost pitifully from its resting place beside my Masters' old holocron. Pulsing weakly as I looked in through the Force.

I hesitated for only a moment before picking it up and shutting the compartment.  
Straightening I slid it back onto my belt. The warmth of the crystal humming within welcoming me like a long lost friend as I turned and made my way from the room.

I was determined to ignore how the warmth actually felt colder than usual. But as I headed to the cargo hold to prep for our arrival, I couldn't help the feeling that shivered through me as I tightened my hold on the familiar hilt.

_No._ Different or not, it didn't matter. It _couldn't_ matter.

I had the feeling I would be needing it from now on.

* * *

After landing Hera and I headed into the outskirts with Kix in the Phantom, leaving Zeb and Sabine to go into town for some much needed supplies while chopper watched the ship. I honestly had my doubts about his potential loyalties still. Especially after flying for so long without any kind of reassurance from Kix that we were even close to this contact of his.  
It wasn't until after we flew into one of the many canyons that ran across the planet that he gestured for Hera to slow. We arrived at a non-descript house shortly after. Built into the very canyon wall underneath an overhang, it was hidden perfectly from view from above.

It wasn't until after we had entered however, ushered in by a small weathered hand and smile, that I started to feel that Fate had it out for me.

It was all a fog of shock really, after taking a seat on the provided couch in the living room. Barely registering Hera doing the same.  
I didn't know why I felt dazed, confused, even, as I kept staring with a frown at the glowing image that the Force provided. Of the old woman in a wheelchair in front of me. Her off-setting peach blanket thrown over her legs doing nothing to still my nerves. Everything sort of went numb.

I didn't know what to feel, honestly.  
Relief. A strange sense of loss. Doubt. Confusion. They all vied for attention. But even more than the rest, was anger.  
At _her_ \- the frail, wrinkled old woman smiling gently at me. Though for what reason I was unsure.

_Did I... know her?_ The thought itself was conflicting, yet I was unable to find the answer, or stop myself from staring as the silence began to stretch. Minutes seemed to pass, before Hera finally touched my arm in worry from her spot beside me on the threadbare couch.

"...Kanan? Are you alright? You don't... look like yourself."

Honestly, I didn't know. But what was I supposed to say? I hadn't felt like myself since Ezra was taken. But I knew she wasn't referring to that. Which left me in another place that held more questions than answers. Something that was happening quiet often lately. Something I despised.

With a quiet sigh I shook my head, pulling myself from my thoughts as Hera pulled her hand away. Collecting myself I started to answer, only to be interrupted.

"Oh?"

I flinched as the old woman's voice suddenly filled the room. It was coarse, but soft, warm... _Familiar_.

"Kanan, is it?" She laughed lightly, warmly. "Well, I sure feel silly. I thought you were someone else."

Hera smiled. But I stiffened at the telling words.

_It couldn't be..._

Time seemed to stretch. It felt like only a moment, yet it must have been longer, because I could feel Hera's concerned touch returning.

"...Kanan?"

She called tentatively this time, almost like she was afraid of something. Uncertainty clear through her touch on my arm.

I wanted to tell Hera what I had suddenly realized, recognized, about the woman. But I couldn't. Couldn't say anything. Couldn't reassure her. Because I was unable. I was no longer in the same room with them anymore. Yanked so completely by the familiar Force around me I got lost in the past. A memory.  
Of golden sun streaming in from high windows, and a gentle smile shining down at me behind an offered hand.

There was a slight tremble along my shoulders as I pulled myself from the vision. Only dimly aware of Hera calling my name again as I blinked rapidly against the sudden dark, thrust into blindness once more. With a shaky breath I focused back on Hera.

"...Sorry, It's just..." I swallowed thickly, hands clenching in front of me tightly. "...I know her."

She glanced between the old woman and I, surprise and confusion coming off her in waves within the Force. "...You-?" She frowned. "How?"

The older woman sent a comforting smile to Hera. Like she understood her confusion on the matter. I couldn't stop my jaw from clenching at the action. I was angry with myself. How could I have missed something so obvious? The Force was pulsing so strongly around us it was almost nauseating. I focused on answering instead.

"She's... One of my former teachers."

Seeing Hera's surprise on the matter Kix sighed and straightened from his position he had taken up against the furthest wall. Reluctant to come any closer for a reason I didn't understand until now. But the pieces were starting to connect. He must have saved her after... everything, yet he still didn't seem to trust himself around her. There was a past between them. Memories.

"Forgot you couldn't tell..." Kix muttered in way of explanation as he came to stand tensely beside the elderly woman. He gestured to her.

"This, is Jedi Master Luna Dali'l. She's a survivor of Order 66."

The sudden silence in the small room stretched as Hera seemed to work through what was just said, shocked more than anything I could tell. Though my former teacher could as well, if the way she smiled brightly in response was any indication, eyes twinkling with knowing.

"Tell me, have you been keeping our little Caleb Dume out of trouble?"

I went rigid at her words.

_What right did she have to bring that up?_ A dark part of me whispered. I grimaced and lowered my head at the omission. It was wrong, to think such things. I knew that. And yet... I couldn't stop the thought. The feeling, that it was right. What right did she have? To bring up my past, so carelessly, without remorse even, knowing what pain it could bring me?  
She didn't. Anger seared through my veins. I struggled to keep myself silent, to not say what I wanted to. Somehow managing, as I took a calming breath. Quickly I focused on the Force around me for a distraction. The way it swirled gently around the room around us, curious.

_Speaking of..._ It was no wonder no one knew of my former teacher's existence. Even I couldn't sense her at first through her mastery of the Force, weaving it so tightly around herself, and I had been in the same _room_. I had to admit, her ability to hide her presence so effortlessly was impressive.

Unaware of my inner struggle Hera gave a small smile, looking to the other woman lightly.

"Master Luna, It's a pleasure to meet you." She said sincerely, before her smile faded. "But I'm afraid we didn't come here for old memory sake. We came for help. We're looking for someone."

A wrinkled brow rose, eyes still knowing behind an easy mask. "And you think I can help, do you?"

Her tone was light, casual. Yet betrayal arched. A stab of familiar pain echoing in my chest.

"Master Luna..." My hands squeezed hard enough to turn my knuckles white. The thought of using them against her, _squeezing_ , around her throat, until she helped almost overwhelming. "Please. He's... my Padawan."

Kix narrowed his eyes at me even as my old teacher hummed in thought. Seeing something the others didn't in my tensed body that set him on edge, if the way he leaned almost protectively towards Master Luna was any indication. I fought down the anger that surged in response to him doing that. The insistent thought that he wanted to slow my progress, stop me from reaching Ezra, chiming against my skull almost painfully.  
I wanted nothing more than to cut him down in that very moment. My lightsaber pulsing, beckoning for me to grab it.

Again I forced myself to slowly exhale, this time focusing on Hera. The way our shoulders touched, as my old teacher finally spoke up.

"Perhaps... I could follow the bond between the child and Dume. Look for him that way for you, hmm?"

Hera's eyes widened in surprise. "You can do that? I... thought the bond between Master and Padawan was special. Are you sure?"

I could feel her doubt as she asked, leaving me to frown as I was certain my old teacher could too.  
She just smiled in response to Hera's doubt though. I could feel her pride from here.

"I'm a Consular darling. Of course I can."

Hera gave me a confused look, and I found myself explaining on autopilot, grasping at the distraction from my own turbulent emotions eagerly. Reciting the things I was told so many years ago like it had happened only yesterday.

"It's... a lost practice, mostly. Throughout the Order's history, there have been two Classes of Jedi. The Knights, and the Consular's." I drifted into memories of my teacher saying the exact same thing in class as I kept going, feeling Hera's sudden interest. "Knights were valiant, determined... they were supposed to be the Guardian's of Peace. A symbol of hope in dark times. They stood for the Legacy of the Jedi Order. But the Consular's were the Visionaries. The leaders. They took on the Ambassador roles, and were seeker's of wisdom. They could channel the power of the Force for strength in combat and wisdom in diplomacy."

Hera looked between us all as I paused to exhale a shaky breath.

"All this time..." I could feel how genuine her words were. The awe, as she processed everything I had just told her. "I had no idea."

I shook my head solemnly.

"Most don't. By the time the Clone War's came around there were more Knights than Consular's in the public eye. Which most in the Republic felt grateful for at the time, but..." I sighed, understanding now more than ever why both Classes were important. "In the end, it didn't make a difference."

Hera frowned as she looked my way. She had seen the small twitch of pain, I could feel it. The way she looked at me, watching carefully for the tightening of skin around my bandages. The telling sign I always had. Though more than once I wished I didn't.

I sent a small smile her way, silently telling her it was alright. Reluctantly, she looked away, focusing back on the other woman. "Then, if you can help..."

"I will, of course." She smiled warmly, albeit tiredly. "However, it drains me considerably to do so. I ask you to have patience. I may not get anything at first."

_….At first? How long did she think we had?_

My shoulders tensed on their own, a wave of anger clambering again for me to say something. I bite it down. Hard.  
At the taste of copper I pushed it into the Force as Hera smiled. I could feel her hope. Her happiness. She didn't care how long it took, she was simply relieved by the opportunity to get Ezra back. So why did I struggle to feel the same? Patience, my Master had always said, was always needed in life. She had been right.

I needed it now more than ever.

Numbly I nodded alongside Hera, frustrated but determined to keep myself calm. "Of course. Please, whatever you can get will help."

"Very well, then I shall begin." She gestured to one of the two rooms off to the side, an apparent guest room of sorts, as she gave me a small smile. "Feel free to wait in there dear. You look tired, and this may take longer than I hope."

And miss the other telling possibilities she may see? The past and present, that could show me just how far Ezra was gone?

"No, thank you." I smiled, though it still felt a little strained. "We'll wait here, if you don't mind."

She raised a brow knowingly, seeing the real hesitance in me. "...As you wish."

I watched closely as she closed her eyes. Exhaling as her entire body relaxed.  
Within a few moments Hera reached over, grasping her hand in mine nervously as we watched. The Force was being called heavily into the room and beginning to swirl around us, its nature more demanding, the feeling of it pressing down noticeable even to her as her Lekku twitched.

I felt the moment my old teacher connected with the bond Ezra and I shared, the resounding _pull_ firm under her guiding hand. With trouble I relaxed into the sensation. Letting her through willingly.

After several minutes of appearing almost asleep to the untrained eye, her brow finally started to furrow. A tight line forming from her lips in concentration. My heart picked up. Seeing the signs for what they were. She found something. Something to do with Ezra. I felt certain of it.

I leaned forward eagerly. "What is it?"

"I see..." She murmured as the Force whirlwind started to accelerate, getting closer as her hand twitched.

The faint whispers I could here from the Force around us seemed urgent now, though why I couldn't understand. Only she could. Reading it in a way I never could, understanding it differently.  
Impatient I almost asked again, but bit back the words. I couldn't, I had to give her more time.

"There's a man. Human." She finally said. "With glowing eyes... Sith eyes."

_It was him. It was Ezra._ I felt certain of that as Hera's hand tightened on my own. Her own apprehension in the Force building.

"Where is he? What is he doing?" Hera asked worriedly.

"I'm not..." She murmured, face tightening with concentration. "He's shrouded by the Dark Side. It calls to him. Keeps him hidden. I can't see him well."

_Maul._ My hand fisted, glove creaking slightly. _What have you done to my Padawan?_

"Let me see if I can..."

As her voice faded off Hera and I shared a look. I could feel the uncertainty between us. Her fear of what the results would bring, but full of hope anyway. I squeezed her hand lightly, trying to be reassuring.  
There wasn't much I could do, and I hated myself for it. But this? It was something I needed to do. _Had_ to. To help her, and... to keep myself in control.

The sudden cry from my former teacher however had us all looking to her in alarm. Her expression pained as the Force became colder around us. My eyes widened behind the bandages at the sensation, a shiver going down my spine.  
Letting go of Hera I quickly stood.

"Are you-" I didn't even have time to finish.

The Force exploded around us without warning, suddenly blowing back in a huge gust. I could feel the energy keep expanding rapidly, only to disappear as wisps just outside our conscious as it was pushed away quickly by my former teacher. The others didn't notice the changes save for the pressure decreasing in the room. The feeling of unease, dissipating. I, however, could. And how it was followed by how pleased my former teacher was.

"Ha! I got it!" She smiled broadly, her body sagging back into her chair like a doll in exhaustion. Her voice took on a raspy edge at her chuckle. "Dume my dear, I have it for you. Your chance. Your hope."

Hera stood eagerly at her words. Barely containing herself. "Where is he?"

"Not where, child. When."

Hera glanced between us, confusion evident as I tensed.

"You saw the future." I stated, for Hera more than anyone.

"A part of it, yes." She nodded with great effort. Eyes already lidded. "You will get your chance at saving him, at redemption. But you must be careful. The place he is going is very dangerous. To follow, you must be prepared to face the resistance in your path."

Hera's hands immediately fisted, Lekku twitching more in motherly anger. "What do you mean? Where is he going?"

_Where is Maul taking him._ I silently added, my own anger seething. _Begging_ , to be let out.  
I was more than ready to let it out on Maul, next time I saw him. And there _would_ be a next time.

I would make sure of it.

She hesitated for a moment, lips pressing firmly together as she seemed to think. That was never a good sign. Though a part of me felt suspicious at the action. _Was she hiding something from us? Thinking about what parts she should reveal, and stowing away the rest?_ The thought was troubling, but as I frowned in suspicion she finally spoke.

"He's going to an Imperial Data center."

"What?" Hera paled considerably at her words. "Those are heavily guarded, no one has been able to breech their security."

"...Yet." She smiled sadly. The knowledge of what she saw pressing down on her shoulders. "He is not the same, dear. I could see that clearly. Whatever happened to him, he may not recover from. You need to prepare yourself for that."

I could feel Hera narrow her eyes in stubborn denial. "You don't know that. You don't know us. We're family, we can reach him."

A long moment passed as my old teacher looked between Hera and I, her frown deep. After another moment she sighed, then nodded reluctantly, her doubt evident. "I hope you can. Truly, I do. His future is... clouded. Even to the Light side of the Force."

Turning her gaze my way she stared intently. A sorrowful look entering her eyes. "Whatever you do, Dume, reach him."

I had intended to do that anyway. Just as surely as I was going to deal with Maul when the time came. But I nodded anyway, voice firm. "I will. Whatever it takes."

she smiled softly. "I suppose that's the best an old teacher can wish for, hmm?"

She gestured tiredly to the doorway were the guest room was, eyes closing by the minute. "Please, you're welcome to stay until morning."

It was a kind offer, one I was tempted to take her up on as my body sluggishly protested each and every movement. But I was already shaking my head. I didn't have time for that. Not with Ezra closer than ever.

"Thanks, but we need to-"

"I'll take the couch."

I turned to Kix in disbelief as he turned and disappeared into a small closet, emerging with a blanket and pillow rolled up under his arm before making his way to said couch behind us. I watched as he placed them where he wanted them and started to make himself comfortable. Clearly eager to get some sleep at our expense. I gritted my teeth.

"Kix, we don't have time to-" I started, only to be interrupted once more.

"Thank you." I looked to Hera in surprise now as she stepped forward with a warm smile. "We'd appreciate the rest."

I had to stop myself from tensing from the sudden surge of anger towards Hera as she turned and began steering me over to the guest room. _Did she not understand how urgent this was? No, she had to, so why was she delaying them further?_

I barely managed to stop my next words from coming out as a growl of irritation. "What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing?" She sounded like she couldn't believe how much of an idiot I was acting as she let go of me and quickly shut the door behind us. "What are _you_ doing? I know you want to leave as soon as possible Kanan, so do I. But I need rest. And so do you."

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do." Her smile was tired and soft. Closing the distance between us she reached up and brushed her fingers across my check, cupping it as our foreheads rested together gently. "There is hope, Kanan. We'll get our boy back. Soon."

My brow furrowed. She said that and yet... I wasn't sure. I felt hope, surely, as well as relief, beating in time with my heartbeat. But the doubt was still there. The dawning terror, and pulsing anger, at the foreboding words shared not a moment before. I couldn't dismiss them. Master Luna had seen something else, something she wasn't sharing. The way her eyes had shadowed in thought before speaking, the slight hesitation... I could tell. Which only cast her warnings even darker. No, I couldn't just ignore my instincts. That she had spared words, to keep me from hurting even more over what else she had seen.

But even so... standing here now, surrounded by hope...

Slowly the tension in my shoulders relaxed, lulled by the warmth and assurance's Hera filled the Force with. I had missed it, ached for it. With a sigh I closed my eyes and reached for her hand, holding it softly in mine.

"...Sorry. You're right." I sighed. Bitterness licked at my heart. "Like always."

"Only when you don't listen." She teased back warmly before tilting her head up and meeting my lips with hers.

But this kiss felt different than all the rest. It was gentle. Too gentle. Like one of us might break if she pressed any harder. Soft and warm with the slight taste of salt. Tears. That she had most likely shed in the solitude of the cockpit as I had locked myself away in my own room for days prior. Yet here she was, strong in front of everyone. Carrying us forward through our own grief without a second thought.

Alone.

Guilt filled me, and I returned the kiss. Pressing against hers tightly in silent apology. Hoping she could feel what I couldn't bring myself to say. Hoping she could forgive me.

As we pulled back I cupped her cheek gently, her lips pulling into a small smile against my hand.

I smiled softly back, feeling calmer than I had in a long time.

"Lets get some sleep."

With a hum of agreement she nodded, pulling back and grasping my hand firmly to pull me to the bed.

As we settled onto the soft mattress, our breaths mingling, the wave of exhaustion we had both been fighting washing over us completely. I watched as Hera drifted first, soft smile gracing her lips as she was lulled into the sound sleep she hadn't had in weeks. Something we had both been lacking lately. Yet still, as I watched, lids getting heavy, I could feel a certainty filling us. Hope.

Tonight, we would sleep. Tomorrow, we would plan.

And then... well, we'd take things one step at a time.

We were getting Ezra back.

As I my eyes slowly closed to the warmth around me, I felt the darkness shift. Almost pressing, with the sweet false temptation of an empty rest. I felt alarmed for only a moment as memory of previous nights closed in, but it quickly faded. My body to exhausted to fight the lull Hera's presence put me in. The comfort.

Immediately sleep flickered in. And so, soon, would the nightmares.

I just hoped it would be worth it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doing this, for Maul.... It was nothing.

(Ezra's POV)  
  


* * *

  
  
I felt nothing as I watched the last trooper fall to the floor, an empty numbness in my heart as I stepped around them and continued down the hall. The bottom of my cloak brushing lightly against them as I went.

I didn't know why Kanan had been such a stickler about not killing them. Why I had hesitated myself because of him, for that matter. It wasn't a big deal, honestly. They were the enemy. And more than willing to kill us every time they got the chance. So why not insure that they could never get back up again? That they could never shoot you in the back?  
It was such a simple thing to do. Logical even.

I frowned as the memories of my old lessons on the Ghost came to mind.

Kanan had been weak. I could see that now.  
His beliefs had lead him down a flawed path. A path he had tried to force upon me as well.

I was oblivious at first, my faith in the teachings from my Master never waning as Maul taught me what he knew. But it didn't last long.  
On a day like every other I had awoken with the startling clarity that I couldn't hang on to his ways anymore.  
If I wanted to be strong enough to destroy the empire, to protect the family I left behind, then I would have to let go.

It had hurt. Just the thought had me kneeling over at the time as silent tears fell.  
But then the numbing cold had came. Soothing over the heated pain with whispers of promise.  
It promised no more pain. No more guilt. And the strength I so desperately needed to carry on.

And without a second thought, I had let it in.

I could never return to Kanan.  
I knew that now.

And I had accepted that.

Just as surely as I had the knowledge that I would have to fall, so that the others could stand.

I wasn't weak. Not anymore.

Maul had given me strength. Strength I was thankful for.  
Strength I was more than willing to use against him; if the situation ever called for it. But I still had much to learn. And only Maul could teach me what I needed to know.

Determined I made my way to the data chamber that held what I was looking for. The halls empty except for the occasional passing trooper confirming Maul's information about the recent and temporary mass deployment from the base to be true, though the specifics as to why had been lost to me.

That realization however had left me with the feeling of disappointment and relief at the same time.

…. _Guess I wouldn't be practicing my skills too much on this mission._ I thought with a mental sigh. Honestly I had been looking forward to it. But now? Seeing the lack of a challenge, it left a strange desire burning inside me. One that demanding action. I frowned as I passed through another empty intersection of hallways.  
_Actually... now that I was thinking about it..._ _Hmm..._ _Maybe Maul and I could spar again after we got back?_

I shifted my hold on my lightsaber in anticipation at just the thought. Faintly aware of the purple glow shifting across my face as well from the motion, casting the shadows from my hood even deeper.  
The sensation reminded me of the first time I had activated my new sabers, during a routine spar with Maul.

That time... I had been surprised to discover the sabers were purple, of all colors. Expecting blue, like my old one, or even a red like Maul's. But it was a pleasant one. It had sent a hum of anticipation tingling through me then as well.  
I had wanted to use them even more, pride swelling as my eyes had widened.

Their precision, I had quickly discovered, was deadly. The lightweight curved hilts serving as a true extension of myself, fitting me like a glove. Enhancing my abilities considerably, without costing extra stamina or forcing me to adapt to an irregularly shaped weapon and hindering me. I had learned my natural agility was something to capitalize on, not dampen to appease another's lightsaber style. So I had taken great steps to improve it, alongside my speed. Not that that stopped the power behind my blows. I was finally a force to be reckoned with. Yet I still had much to learn.

With the twin sabers in hand, I felt empowered. I was proud to wield them. They were _mine._ And Maul approved of them immensely as well _._

Yet again, his approval had pleased me, more than I thought it would've.

And the way the glow currently worked in tandem with my hood to cast ominous shadows over my face? I smirked. Well, I revelled in that as well. The color had certainly grown on me.

I could still feel the other saber rested quietly against my belt, silently humming with energy, waiting to be used. Almost _begging_ to cut through the resistance in my path, as its brother did. It was hard to ignore, so tempting to wield them both in duo, but I managed. Dismissing the idea for now. There would always be a chance for it later, after all. Patience would pay off.

A sudden burst of static sounded in my ear, drawing me from my thoughts.

"I do hope you're making progress on your end." Came a dead-panned voice.

_Speaking of Maul._ I sighed as I clicked the ear piece.

"Everything's fine. Worry about yourself."

I felt annoyance prickle through the bond. "I wouldn't have to worry," He growled. "If you didn't insist on using these ridiculous devices for communication, instead of simply using our bond."

"Yeah, well, I don't need you hovering over my back and complaining about how I do things. Its annoying." I mutter, keeping an eye out for any more troopers as I made my way further into the facility. Honestly hoping for the distraction from the repeated conversation at this point.

The words may have changed, but the topic remained the same. Maul really didn't like using the devices as much as I did. Though I had to admit I appreciated the fact he did it anyway. He had reluctantly accepted my request to do so in the beginning, much to my surprise. But apparently that still didn't stop him from speaking up on the matter whenever he got the chance. Insisting on our bond. I rolled my eyes at the repetitiveness of it all.

In truth, I really didn't have a problem doing it either way. I just wanted to use them to remind myself of my old family. The ones I left behind. We had always used them, and it... helped. To push aside all doubt inside me. To remind me why I couldn't hesitate anymore. I needed that. Anything really, to silence that small part of myself that stubbornly fluttered away in my chest, like a dying bird desperate to get out. It was... irritating. To say the least. But nothing I couldn't handle.

I'd gotten this far, I knew those feelings were just an old shell of me at this point. One I would leave shattered and broken easily enough in time. Something I was determined to do. Not a jagged shard would remain to cause me pain, to make me _weak_.  
I wouldn't let it. Not anymore.

Tightening my hold on my saber I focused back to the task a hand. I was getting close to where I needed to be. I could feel it.

"Look I'm getting close, I'll tell you when I get there."

I clicked the ear piece off, not wanting the sudden distraction if the thing suddenly went off later as I kept going.  
Maul wouldn't be too mad about me turning it off as long as I finished my part of the mission without any problems. And I intended to do just that. I found the room several minutes later, and after a quick glance around confirming I was alone in the dimly lit room, I made my way over to the terminal. The steady hum from the walls around me letting me know it was connected to the many other terminals littered around the base. Just as Maul said it would be.

I turned the ear piece back on as I connected a data disk to one of the terminal's port's, bringing the screen to life as it lit up and cast the room red. It softly glowed as it asked for a password.

"Hey, I'm in position." I felt Maul's energy shift in acknowledgement at my words. "Ready when you are."

As I waited for his response my adrenaline picked up at the thought of what was about to happen.  
Everything hinged on this moment. If something went wrong, the Imperials would now immediately.  
We'd have a fight on our hands.

"Good." Maul sounded pleased as the feeling of his lightsaber cutting through something came across the bond. "I'm approaching the power room now, be ready."

Glancing around the room I waited, knowing there was no need for a response from me on the matter as I waited for Maul to initiate his part of the plan.

I didn't have to wait long.

There was a rumbling sound go throughout the facility, a shaking boom, and I immediately had to blink against the sudden darkness.

I frowned as I stared at the darkened screen. _Come on... Almost... just a little-_ The screen started glowing again as the backup power came on.

I grinned as the screen asking for the passcode seemed to glitch out as it was overridden, numbers and information starting to stream across the screen as the disk hacked past the momentary lapse in security during the reboot and downloaded the information we had came here for.  
Maul wasn't too bad of a programmer either.  
I would have to add "hacker" to the list of his abilities within my mind for later.

_Wonder if he'd teach me those skills as well?_ I thought as I watched the screen go black again before the disk's light turned green, signaling it's completion.

Quickly I grabbed it and slid it into the hidden slot on the inside of my bracer, wanting to insure I kept it close.  
Leaving the room I briskly started walking down the hall back the way I had come, knowing Maul would meet me back at the hanger as planned. I could feel that he was now making his way around a group of troopers who were rushing to the power room to check what had caused the reactor to overload through our bond. The sudden power outage also serving as the perfect distraction for me so that I'd have time to get out before they realize one of their information terminals had been hacked.

But I still pulled out my other saber just in case a group made their way here sooner than expected, both of the curved hilts resting with quiet anticipation in my palms as if they belonged.

I knew better than to assume all would go as planned. And even if it did, I didn't want to take that chance either way. The last thing I needed was a surprise to throw the entire plan out the window and make me improvise.  
Maul wouldn't take too kindly to that at all.

_If I failed him here, of all places..._

My eyes narrowed under my hood as I tightened my grip on my sabers, a pulse of heat making them prickle as I glanced to one of the camera's as I passed.

Maul had said he placed a repeating program on them earlier, but I was still on edge every time I passed one.  
The last thing I needed was the loop feed to go out before I could get to the hanger. Not that a few troopers wouldn't provide a little fun along the way.  
No, I was more concerned with _all_ of them showing up, and delaying me.

If I didn't make it to the hangers before they realized what had happened and the base went into lockdown, I could very well end up stuck here. That was _so_ not part of the plan. No inquisitors for me just yet, thank you. I didn't want to reveal my new strengths before it was time to. That wouldn't serve Maul's plan at all.

Clicked the earpiece twice I signaled I was getting close, hoping the deserted hallways remained that way a little while longer as I brushed past another pair of troopers on the floor. They had been the first group I came across, heading to lunch, from the way they were talking when I had spotted them. They hadn't even seem me coming. Cutting them down had been easier than I thought. For some reason, that ease disturbed me more than the actual action.

Frowning slightly at the memory I almost didn't here the responding three clicks.

I stilled. Wait, three clicks? _But that would mean-_

The alarms blared to life overhead. Making all to clear what Maul had been signaling. I sighed, quickly taking off in a dead run.

Normally it would've taken them slightly longer to do so. In fact we had planned on it, which would've given me the needed time to get to the hanger bay, at least. But as I suspected, things didn't quite go as planned. Not that I wasn't curious as to why the alarms decided to go off in the first place. But there was a strange feeling entering my mind, a certainty of something coming, that left me tense.

I didn't like it. A sense of foreboding was building.

Focusing on the path entirely I pushed myself to go faster. To escape, before that feeling got any worse. All to soon the shouts and footsteps of approaching troopers could be heard, coming down the hallway I needed to go down. It had me skidding to a halt, a silent curse escaping me. I could see their shadows against the back wall, I didn't have the time to choose another hallway and go around the group. Not with the alarms already sounded. I let out a breath. Without hesitation I let that calm center wash over me as they stepped around the corner and into view, cold chilling the air around me. There was more than I thought, twenty or so, but... no matter. I needed to complete the mission. And they were in my way.

"It's the intruder! Fire!" One of them shouted as they filled across the hallway in front of me. The rest lining up and taking aim within seconds.

I barely registered my second saber hissing to life to join the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? ;)


	20. SORRY!!~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My attempt to do more failed epically, and I'm seriously sorry. I'll just stick to writing chapters. ;-;

So I was inspired to make a bonus chapter of the sparing session for ya'll in comic format. Ambitious right? 

But, halfway through the sketching and refining phase I suddenly realized I couldn't do backgrounds. ^.^' Not to mention something happened to my brain somewhere between Maul and Ezra, cause I really didn't do Ezra's face justice. Its like it quite halfway and said "meh, how bout that Maul tho?", leaving me high and dry like a lil turd lol.   
Gotta admit I was pretty proud of Maul so far, but my effort on him feels wasted now. *sigh* My bad guys, I just wasted a months worth of free time working on this. ;-;

I'll get back to writing more chaps for that mass update though! *Hides* Truly sorry!! *peace sign*

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> And please feel free to leave a comment/kuddos and let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it since I'm writing this one my own. :)


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